07-09-2012, 11:49 PM
Chlamydia Wrote:Cordelia Afalafala
I credit my Midwestern upbringing for getting me through my 30 minute EL AL interview with a smile on my face. In other news, safe in Be'er Sheva!
Share · June 29 at 2:39am ·
Can you imagine how that interview went? With apologies to Bob Newhart, I think it might have gone something like this...
El Al Agent: What is your destination?
Chlamydia: Motherfuckin Israel!
El Al Agent: And you are American?
Chlamydia: Fuck yeah.
El Al Agent: But you are departing from Poland. What are you doing here?
Chlamydia: Teaching fucking English.
El Al Agent: Were you an English major in college?
Chlamydia: Fuck no.
El Al Agent: What did you study?
Chlamydia: Fucking Gay Studies, with a fucking double minor in anilingus and cunnilingus, a fucking specialization in pedophilia, a fucking dual emphasis in necrophilia and bestiality, and a...
El Al Agent: Enough. What is your purpose in visiting Israel?
Chlamydia: To ride a fucking camel.
El Al Agent: Do I detect the smell of sulphur emanating from your undergarments?
Chlamydia: No, it's this fucking hygiene issue I have. My daddy says I'm very, very messy.
El Al Agent: Who's your daddy?
Chlamydia: The fucking milkman, I think. My fucking birth certificate says it's George Gollin.
El Al Agent: And what does he do?
Chlamydia: As little as fucking possible.
El Al Agent: No, I mean who is his employer?
Chlamydia: The fucking stupid taxpayers of motherfuckin Illinois.
El Al Agent: What does he do for Illinois?
Chlamydia: Not a fucking thing. His fucking grad assistants do it all.
El Al Agent: So he's a teacher of some sort?
Chlamydia: When he's not on fucking sabbatical or fucking around on the internet stalking innocent people or getting fucking sued over and over again in fucking federal court for civil rights violations, stalking, defamation, and extortion, sometimes he fucking manages to work it into his schedule...