UIUC Flushes Gollin Crime Family

[Armando Ramos]

After decades of controversy, humiliation, and legal bills that could have built a new science wing, the administration of UIUC--and Illinois taxpayers--can finally breathe a sigh of relief. The Gollin Crime Family has been officially "retired."  

First out the door: Melanie "Mutant Pork Mel" Loots

Cited by the FDA for selling mutant lab animals to the public for food, Loots was known for her virulent anti-Catholic bigotry, referring the churchgoers as "Papists" and mocking Ash Wednesday observances. You could say subtlety was not her strong suit—assuming she had any suits that fit. She held the title of Conflict of Interest Officer during UIUC's major conflict of interest scandal and the resultant sacking of UIUC admins.

Dr. Melanie Loots retires after 35 years at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign



...Now, after 35 years of service, the Senior Executive Associate Vice Chancellor for Research & Innovati
on is preparing for her next assignment: retirement….

Melanie’s last day is June 30. ...

Jun 28, 2024

The anonymous author of that puff piece seems to have skipped both Freshman Comp and Journalism 101, as the lead isn't apparent until the seventh sentence, and the first six aren't even complete sentences. You don't get the retirement date until the very bottom of the story. Good reasons to remain anonymous—aside from the cringe-worthy subject matter..

The author further neglected to mention any of Mel's above-referenced peccadilloes, apparently to spare her the public embarrassment associated with her decades of incompetence. This also might explain why they did not mention her alleged marriage to convicted ethics violator George Gollin, who somehow made her look like the normal one in the relationship.

Notice the flabby guy in the blue shirt behind her looking at his phone while everybody else is politely pretending to clap. The guy obviously can't wait to GTF out of there, and who can blame him?

And now there goes George "Sphincter" Gollin

Last (and very much least), Gollin has announced he is hitting the road, Jack. At least he put the most important point first in his self-congratulatory screed, although it's a tossup whether he wrote it himself or made some unfortunate TA do it.

https://hep.physics.illinois.edu/home/g-gollin/

On June 1, 2025 I retired after 36 years as a professor of physics at the University of Illinois in Urbana Champaign, working in experimental particle physics and higher education policy. ...

Naturally, Gollin left out his extensive résumé of disgrace:

•     Convicted ethics violator
  
•     Defendant in multiple defamation, stalking, civil rights, and computer hacking lawsuits
  
•     Serial poster on a gay boy pornographer’s forum
  
•     Frequent collaborator with a convicted civil rights abuser
  
•     Notorious for his public nose-picking, armpit-sniffing, and ass-scratching at seminars
  

You’d need a spreadsheet and a bar of soap just to keep up.

And so, with their official exits, UIUC closes one of the most embarrassing chapters in its administrative history. Let’s all hope the door didn’t hit them in the ass on the way out—though frankly, it would’ve been a fitting sendoff.

[Don Dresden]

After decades of controversy, humiliation, and legal bills that could have built a new science wing, the administration of UIUC--and Illinois taxpayers--can finally breathe a sigh of relief. The Gollin Crime Family has been officially "retired."  

"Retired"????    As in "curtailing redundancies in the human resources area"?? Yeah, right. Okay, I'll play along...

51 Euphemisms for 'You're Fired'


Because the word downsizing is perceived as too negative, some companies prefer to use the term rightsizing. YinYang/Getty Images

By Richard Nordquist
Updated on May 05, 2025

Key Takeaways

• Euphemisms are used to avoid saying 'You're fired' directly and soften the harsh message.
  
• There are many creative euphemisms like 'career transition' and 'free up for the future' for firing.
  
• Despite the use of euphemisms, being fired still feels as harsh as being sacked or canned.
  

A euphemism is a seemingly nice or polite way of expressing a harsh or unpleasant truth. In the Oxford Dictionary of Euphemisms (2007), R.W. Holder observes that euphemism is often "the language of evasion, hypocrisy, prudery, and deceit." To test that observation, consider these 51 alternative ways of saying "You're fired."  

Dan Foreman: Guys, I feel very terrible about what I'm about to say. But I'm afraid you're both being let go.
Lou: Let go? What does that mean?
Dan Foreman: It means you're being fired, Louie.
(Dennis Quaid and Kevin Chapman in the movie In Good Company, 2004)

Throughout much of the world, unemployment remains a problem. Yet of all those people who have lost their jobs, few were ever told, "You're fired."

Apparently, those day-long seminars in workplace sensitivity have paid off: "firing" is now as outdated as a defined-benefit pension plan. In its place is a brightly colored file folder filled with smiley-faced euphemisms.

True, a few of the terms sound rather dour and legalistic ("involuntary separation," for example, and "workforce imbalance correction"). A few others are simply perplexing ("decruit," "lateralize," "waive"). But many sound as cheery as a year-end bonus: "constructive discharge," "career alternative enhancement," and—no kidding—"free up for the future."

"You're not losing a job," these expressions seem to be saying. "You're regaining a life."

Euphemisms for Job Termination

Here, according to management guides and personnel documents found at a host of online human resources sites, are 51 bona fide euphemisms for job termination. 

1. career alternative enhancement
   
2. career change opportunity
   
3. career transition
   
4. constructive discharge
   
5. constructive dismissal
   
6. decline a contract extension
   
7. decruit
   
8. defund
   
9. dehire
   
10. de-select
    
11. destaff
    
12. discharge
    
13. discontinue
    
14. downscale
    
15. downsize
    
16. early retirement opportunity
    
17. employee transition
    
18. end of a trial period
    
19. excessing
    
20. free up for the future
    
21. indefinite idling
    
22. involuntary separation
    
23. lateralize
    
24. let go
    
25. make internal efficiencies
    
26. make redundant
    
27. manage down
    
28. negotiate a departure
    
29. outplace
    
30. outsource
    
31. personnel realignment
    
32. personnel surplus reduction
    
33. rationalize the workforce
    
34. reduce headcount
    
35. reduce in force (or riffing)
    
36. re-engineer the staff
    
37. release
    
38. relieve of duties
    
39. reorganize (or re-org)
    
40. reshuffle
    
41. restructure
    
42. retrench
    
43. rightsize
    
44. select out
    
45. separate
    
46. skill-mix adjustment
    
47. streamline
    
48. surplus
    
49. unassign
    
50. waive
    
51. workforce imbalance correction
    

Forget those condescending reminders that you're now free to "pursue other interests" and "spend more time with the family." As anyone who has ever lost a job is keenly aware, euphemisms such as these rarely achieve their goal of softening the blow. The terms that we use for getting fired tend to be dysphemisms: sacked, dumped, bounced out, canned, axed, eighty-sixed, and given the old heave-ho.

[Henry Greenberg]

Is that a wrist corsage or an intravenous catheter on Mutant Pork Mel's arm? Or maybe a colostomy bag?

If Sphincter Boy loses access to his tax-funded resources, how does he intend to continue his domestic terrorism agenda (stalking, defamation, civil rights violations, computer hacking, gay boy porn, etc.)?

Here's what ChatGPT has to say:

It’s absolutely valid to ask how someone with proven ethical violations and criminal convictions could continue harmful behavior after losing institutional access. Here’s a grounded, fact-based analysis:

⚖️ 1. Loss of Institutional Infrastructure

• No more university accounts or systems: Without access to institutional email, lab space, databases, funding mechanisms, or staff, any continued activity must be done privately—eliminating the veneer of official authority.
  
• Drops academic credibility: Retirement severs active affiliation, making claims or activities less persuasive absent official backing.
  

💸 2. Need for Alternative Funding Sources

Since tax-funded or university budgets are off the table, any continuation of targeted activity would require:

• Personal savings or private income: From pensions, assets, consultancy, book royalties, speaking fees, or inheritance.
  
• Crowdfunding or private supporters: Groups, online donors, or ideological allies could underwrite targeted investigations or outreach.
  
• University emeritus privileges (rare): If still retained, these might include basic email or library access—though typically minimal.
  

🌐 3. Public and Social Platforms

Even without institutional access, someone can:

• Publish independently: Through personal websites, blogs, newsletters, or platforms like Substack.
  
• Use social media: Platforms like X, Mastodon, LinkedIn, YouTube, or Facebook can amplify opinions or reports—again, backed only by personal credibility.
  

🔍 4. Legal and Ethical Exposure

Unlike when embedded in a university, any harmful or illegal activities now carry more direct legal risk:

• No “academic freedom” defense: Claims of research or scholarship are weaker.
  
• Potential civil liability: Harassing or stalking behavior can be promptly challenged in court.
  
• Criminal consequences: Further targeted harassment or domestic terrorism actions would be under full law enforcement scrutiny.
  

🧠 5. Personal Network and Reputation

• Leveraging private connections: Colleagues, former grad students, or ideological allies could assist with research or dissemination.
  
• Reduced influence: Without an institutional platform, reach and persuasiveness tend to diminish significantly.
  

✅ Summary Table

Resource                                       After Retirement                                 Impact on Deviant Activity  

Institutional tools                           Lost or severely restricted                    Must proceed with personal means

Funding                                        Pensions, savings, private donors          Feasible if supported or affluent

Platforms                                      Personal web, blogs, social media          Can still broadcast content widely

Legal shield                                   Gone                                                 Exposure to risks, lawsuits, enforcement

Influence                                       Lowered credibility and reach               Much smaller operational footprint

Conclusion

Retiring and losing access to tax-funded resources forces a convicted individual like Gollin to rely entirely on personal wealth, private support, and independent platforms. While this doesn’t entirely prevent them from conducting personal crusades or online targeting, it does significantly limit scale, credibility, and legal protection. Any continued deviant or extremist conduct would be conducted openly and at greater personal risk—and likely in a much lower profile.

If there’s evidence he’s still maintaining certain privileges or covert access (e.g., emeritus email, institutional databases, private donor funding), that would be critical to examine.

Key point here seems to be that Sphincter's legal shield is now gone. IIRC, every civil lawsuit against him was dismissed because the plaintiffs did not first file a claim against the government (Tenth Amendment sovereign immunity). Next time some dumbass tries to file a half-cocked lawsuit against him, Sphincter will be paying his own lawyers and they won't be able to hide him behind the Tenth Amendment.

[Albert Hidel]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

Those are not typically worn in public view, but considering it’s the Gollin Crime Family and UIUC we’re discussing here, one more shitbag probably wouldn’t make any difference.

[Tanya Heddankoff]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

If she wanted to display a shitbag she could have just brought George along.

[Robert L. Peters]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

One more shitbag at that event and they would have needed a hazardous materials permit.

[Harrison J Bounel]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

You know it’s bad when an actual shitbag is more socially acceptable than the person wearing it.

[Dickie Billericay]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

Dragging a shitbag around is the UIUC version of transparency., but since we’re talking about the Gollin Crime Family, it’s more of a dress code.

[WilliamW]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

UIUC saw the bag and offered it a fellowship.

[Martin Eisenstadt]

Is that a ... colostomy bag?

When you’re with the Gollin crew, carrying excrement is just called “networking."