RA TCU Wants HQ TP

[Howie Felterbush]

Where is stalker George Gollin when you need him? Finally an accreditation issue worthy of his giant intellect.

Now when the toe lickers discuss the important distinctions between RA and NA, they can use this helpful anal-ogy:

RA = two ply
NA = one ply

TCU Students Demand Higher Quality Toilet Paper
January 22, 2014 6:01 PM
Joel Thomas

FORT WORTH (CBSDFW.COM) - Behind closed doors in stalls around its campus, [regionally accredited] Texas Christian University has a tissue issue. The school only provides one ply toilet paper in its dorms, classroom and office buildings. At least for now.

“This is a big thing,” said student body president Cody Westphal. “You know, TCU has this reputation for the highest quality everything — whether it is education, technology, teachers, students — whatever. I think the next obvious step would be to take the step of quality toilet paper!”

Students in dorms craving the two-ply comfort of home were on their own.

“I know a lot of people have gone out of their way to go to the store to get two ply,” said TCU student Tora Coursey.

So, when the student government asked students “How can we help you?” the students overwhelmingly replied, “Two ply please!”

“One part of the issue is a simple comfort factor,” said Luke Baldwin. “You just can’t put a price tag on single ply versus double ply. You’ve got to think what’s more comfortable for the person using it.”

The student government passed a resolution asking administrators for a campus-wide change. Administrators said the change from one to two ply would only have a negligible impact on the budget. But Westphal said the school’s chancellor is on-board.

“I think he’s secretly got a supply of two-ply somewhere,” Westphal laughed. “So, he’s totally on-board!”

It seems it’s just a matter of staff doing some ‘paper’ work to figure out costs and the university will be able to put the T.P. issue behind them.

“It’s a winning day for us here!” Coursey exclaimed.

Many of the students even seem to feel flush with success.

“I’ve had people literally giving me a high five for toilet paper,” Wesphal chuckled.