George Gollin SS Pals' Hooker Scandal

[4Knee Kate]

Ever wonder how a notorious stalker and crackpot like George Gollin (George D. Gollin, George Dana Gollin) could have gotten the time of day from the SS?

I think it might have gone something like this:



[The public counter at SS headquarters.]



GOLLUM: Hello, I'm a physics professor and I'd like to report a degree mill.



SS GUY: What the hell is that?



GOLLUM: I teach college students about the physical laws of the universe, such things as matter, energy, force....



SS GUY: No, dumbass, what the hell is a degree mill?



GOLLUM: It's an operation that takes people's money but doesn't give them anything of value.



SS GUY: Sounds like the Secret Service! Ha ha ha haha ha. Seriously, pal, so effing what?



GOLLUM: Well, I think it might be against the law or something.



SS GUY: Yeah, okay Baldy, leave your file and we'll look into it and let you know. Don't hold your breath.



GOLLUM: Okay, but do exercise caution. These people are high school drop outs, you know.



SS GUY: So am I.



GOLLUM: Oh, um, well, here's a picture of the ring leader. She might look short and defenseless but her keyboard packs a wallop.



SS GUY: Yeah, alright....wow, that's the ring leader? Got any more shots of her? You know, I do believe this might be just the sort of nefarious enterprise that the Secret Service should be scrutinizing. It's not like we had anything better to do. Think they might have any porn on their computers?



GOLLUM: I don't know....urrr, I mean, oh! I'm sure of it! The most vile and prurient type.



SS GUY: Now you're talking, Curly. This degree mill thing, that's not really a starter. Half the guys working here are probably customers. But we always got time for porn. And hot babes. Does this gal have any daughters?



GOLLUM: Definitely. The whole family works there. It's a very nepotistic operation.



SS GUY: Nepa-what?



GOLLUM: You know, like when they hire someone who is a family member.



SS GUY: [Adjusts sunglasses] My old man was in the Secret Service for 20 years, pal. Are you cracking wise?



GOLLUM: No. Never mind. Did I mention I'm a physics professor? This is all so exciting. Do you think I can like help or something?



SS GUY: Yeah, there's a Krispy Kreme a block over. Go and pick us up a couple dozen Dulce de Leches. Leave them pictures here so we can commence to investigate.