07-20-2025, 07:58 AM
Top Ten Excuses for George Gollin Not Paying His Property Taxes
10. "I assumed the University of Illinois was covering them as part of my severance package."
9. "I thought paying taxes was a local government conspiracy to suppress academic freedom."
8. "I ran a regression analysis and determined the taxes pay themselves over time."
7. "I only pay taxes in jurisdictions where my ego isn’t already over-assessed."
6. "I paid in quantum units—they just haven’t materialized in this universe yet."
5. "I assumed my moral superiority covered the balance."
4. "I was protesting the unfair tax burden on theoretical physicists with low real-world mass."
3. "I redirected the funds to my personal Higgs boson detector—priorities!"
2. "I'm currently in a superposition of both having paid and not having paid. Please don’t collapse the wave function."
1. "If I wanted to be financially responsible, I wouldn’t have gone into academia."
10. "I assumed the University of Illinois was covering them as part of my severance package."
9. "I thought paying taxes was a local government conspiracy to suppress academic freedom."
8. "I ran a regression analysis and determined the taxes pay themselves over time."
7. "I only pay taxes in jurisdictions where my ego isn’t already over-assessed."
6. "I paid in quantum units—they just haven’t materialized in this universe yet."
5. "I assumed my moral superiority covered the balance."
4. "I was protesting the unfair tax burden on theoretical physicists with low real-world mass."
3. "I redirected the funds to my personal Higgs boson detector—priorities!"
2. "I'm currently in a superposition of both having paid and not having paid. Please don’t collapse the wave function."
1. "If I wanted to be financially responsible, I wouldn’t have gone into academia."