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+--- Thread: Illinois Flounders, Gollin Does Nothing (/thread-724.html)
Illinois Flounders, Gollin Does Nothing - Dickie Billericay - 10-31-2009
Not only have the deadly double-threat PhD duo of ass-scratching George "Dumbass" Gollin and his equine-countenanced spouse Melanie "Conflict of Interest Officer"? Loots turned the University of Illinois into a national academic joke, they have fouled up the football program as well!
Despite coach Ron "The Mook" Zook's outstanding recruiting of scholarly student/athletes such as Juice "Physics Major" Williams and Arrelious "Brain Surgeon"? Benn, the Illini continue to flop like fish on a hot pier.
And the reason is simple: the U of I "Conflict of Interest"? Scandal!
Michigan can become bowl eligible by beating floundering Illinois
Quote:Posted: 4:19 p.m. Today
CHAMPAIGN - No one, not even Ron Zook, can explain what's happened to Illinois this year.
Expected to contend for a Jan. 1 bowl game with a four-year starter at quarterback (Juice Williams) and one of college football"s most talented receivers (Arrelious Benn), the Illini are, instead, the worst team in the Big Ten.
They haven't beat a Football Bowl Subdivision team since last Nov. 1, haven't lost a game by fewer than 10 points this year, and epitomize dysfunction with personnel issues on both sides of the ball and a coach in Zook who most fans want fired but the university, because of an ongoing admissions scandal, might be forced to keep.
Zook received a vote of confidence from athletic director Ron Guenther at halftime of last week's loss to Purdue.
He said he was appreciative of the gesture, but focused on bigger things - like snapping Illinois' five-game losing streak today against Michigan (3:30 p.m., ABC).
"No one saw this coming," Zook said. ...
The demise of the Illinois football program has prompted the FDA, the FBI, the FCC, the NCAA, and ACORN to look into rumors that Coach Zook has been serving some unusual ham dinners at the Illini football training table. Sources say he got a great deal on some verdant-hued fluorescent hogs from an unidentified woman dressed in men's clothing operating out of the Swanlund Administrative Building. More to come as this story develops.