Next Clone to Snuff It?

[Ben Johnson]

If you are going to have a dead pool you need to have a rule disqualifying anyone who tries to "expedite" the outcome.

I guess that means no internet rumors about an individual defiling certain religious icons.

Let's keep the same list and select a new number 8. Who is truly unworthy?

[Herbert Spencer]

Damn, I had Klempner.  I was really liking my chances when he toddled off to Sweden.  I thought for sure he would roll that new Volvo into a fiord or a vat of gravlax or something.

I like Ezell as a new #8.  He's got age (born in 1941), and probably spends too much time on the golf course (melanoma risk).  Plus there's that Melvin Purvis Syndrome, where washed up ex-law enforcement types have "accidents" with their weapons. 

Did we ever get an official ruling on whether Peter French is a klone?  He looks like a good bet based on his age and past health problems.

Gollum still looks like the top draft pick though, especially as we get closer to April 5, 2011.  You meet the nicest people in federal prisons.

[WilliamW]

Did we ever get an official ruling on whether Peter French is a klone?  He looks like a good bet based on his age and past health problems.

As much as we all love Jimmy, he's gotta be up there based on health issues. Not that we want him to kick, but I mean the object is to win the contest, right?

What about Heiks? He's copped to a variety of mental and physical problems. He's also a DI admin, which makes him a certified clone and cohort of a gay boy porn peddler. The latter makes him a candidate for at least an ass-kicking most places I know.

In fact, on that basis all the other DI admins ought to be on the list. What do we know about Kizmet, Randell1234, airtorn, Maniac Craniac, and MichaelOliver??

[BROWN TEAL]

Did we ever get an official ruling on whether Peter French is a klone?  He looks like a good bet based on his age and past health problems.

Dr Dr Dr French has been incredibly quiet lately!!!!!!!!!!!

[Armando Ramos]

(Note to the mentally unstable: This is intended as speculation only, not advocacy.)

Who among Bear and his clones will be the next to assume room temperature?  As we have just seen with the permanent departure of the dickwit Janko, age and lifestyle aren’t necessarily as determinative as sheer vain idiocy.  Here’s how we handicap the survivors:

1. George Gollin (George D. Gollin, George Dana Gollin)—Two words: government informant.  There’s a reason why they have a witness protection program.  Except for Henry Hill you don’t see too many government informants blabbing to anyone who will listen.  Should have gotten 15 friends to explain it to him.

2. John Klempner Bear—advanced age a factor, but advanced ego more likely to get him into a Janko-like predicament he can’t charm his way out of.

3. Thomas “Tailpipe Chip” White—sodomite lifestyle a factor, but even when he catches AIDS it still takes quite few years to do its job effectively.  His other enterprises put him at more immediate risk.  Somebody he sold a coffee enema as a cancer cure might decide to even the score by filming a really gruesome murder of a porno film producer.

4. Gustavo “Goose” Sainz—High stress due to financial meltdown puts him at health risk.  Plus creditors who stop suing and start sending Guido to collect may create additional and more immediate health risks.  May be distracted by refinancing the refi on his refi and forget to put gas in the plane.

5. Anal Contreras—another high-risk pervert lifestyle, but bird watching is probably less risky than selling gay boy pornography to pedophiles.   If he stays out of public restrooms and cowboy bars he might be okay until the HIV kicks in.

6. Gregg DesElms—not dead already?  Plenty of underpaid Asian hookers happy to hear that.  He’s eager to help perverts get “married,” but not because he’s gay himself, so he says, over and over.  Needs to stay out of cowboy bars, if only because cowboys hate assholes too.

7. Bill Huffman—advanced age, combined with the fact that, some day, some time, Derek Smart will be visiting the San Diego area…

8. Mark Israel—came out third best in a bike v. truck contest, but this can be a plus for him since he receives an unparalleled degree of medical scrutiny.  Every time he farts he gets a gas spectrograph and sonic analysis.  Probably will outlive us all, which is bad news for his wife, who thought she was getting a husband and not a dirty diapers doll.  Remember engineers, on the green light you go, on the red light you STOP.

9. Rich Douglas—with his nose up Bear’s ass all the time, could be at risk for scoliosis.

10. Bruce Tait—severe dog mange on scalp could turn deadly unless treated properly.  Or just have another donut, maybe it will go away on its own.

NEXT!

[The Bison]

LOL Where has Dr Derick Smart now? (note the title... did it just to piss off Bill).