02-03-2009, 09:58 AM
Janko? Realizing that even with a ThD he will never be significant enough to make the DL Truth Hall of Shame, Janko commits suicide.
Gollin? Using the advanced research methods he heard 15 of his friends used in writing his dissertation for him, Gollin connects the dots and concludes that pranksters posting on the internet as "John Hudson-Weaver" are really John Weaver-Hudson. An enraged Gollin asks his wife to return his manly parts and then gets her permission to whack Janko.
Peter French? Hires well-endowed ex-convict to urinate in Janko's gas tank. Unfortunately the prank goes tragically awry as the convict decides to whack Janko instead and blackmail Peter.
WELS? Under Janko's shrewd management Hope church congregation membership drops precipitously from 88 to 60. That's a huge 31.82% decline, according to John "4.0 In His Stats Courses"? Bear. When Janko won't resign, WELS administration loses patience and has him whacked.
Chip? Tired of Janko PMing all the degreeinfo.com members to tell them they are posting on a website owned and operated by a gay boy pornographer and pedophile pandering pervert, Chip sticks a banana in Janko's tailpipe--then sabotages his car.
Jimmy? Driven mad by years of sucking up to people inferior to him in every way, Jimmy uses his master locksmithing skills to surreptitiously enter Janko's car, puts chloroform in the heating system.
Jilted WCTU members?' Heartbroken when the noble Janko declines to give them his virginity outside the bonds of marriage, WCTU members (some of whom are women) conspire to have him whacked.
Dixie? Criminal mastermind carves a gun from a bar of soap, escapes from federal prison, commandeers a Hummer, holds up a liquor store, drives undetected cross country, crashes into Janko's car, then returns to prison before roll call.
Klempner? He really hates Christians.
Gus? Frustrated by being marginalized on his own website and intimidated by Janko's 12-year doctorate (equivalent of nearly 40 110-day TESC humanities degrees), Gus hires a team of Bay of Pigs refugees to blow up Janko's car. Unfortunately refugees are now 70 years old and manage only to wire a cherry bomb to his radio, succeeding only because Janko hits a moose crossing the interstate.
Janko's parents? We wanted him to go to dental school, but no, he has to be Calvin Luther, spending all our tuition money on useless divinity degrees--then takes a vow of poverty while we live on social security, the ungrateful putz.
Who cares? In six weeks no one will even remember him.
Gollin? Using the advanced research methods he heard 15 of his friends used in writing his dissertation for him, Gollin connects the dots and concludes that pranksters posting on the internet as "John Hudson-Weaver" are really John Weaver-Hudson. An enraged Gollin asks his wife to return his manly parts and then gets her permission to whack Janko.
Peter French? Hires well-endowed ex-convict to urinate in Janko's gas tank. Unfortunately the prank goes tragically awry as the convict decides to whack Janko instead and blackmail Peter.
WELS? Under Janko's shrewd management Hope church congregation membership drops precipitously from 88 to 60. That's a huge 31.82% decline, according to John "4.0 In His Stats Courses"? Bear. When Janko won't resign, WELS administration loses patience and has him whacked.
Chip? Tired of Janko PMing all the degreeinfo.com members to tell them they are posting on a website owned and operated by a gay boy pornographer and pedophile pandering pervert, Chip sticks a banana in Janko's tailpipe--then sabotages his car.
Jimmy? Driven mad by years of sucking up to people inferior to him in every way, Jimmy uses his master locksmithing skills to surreptitiously enter Janko's car, puts chloroform in the heating system.
Jilted WCTU members?' Heartbroken when the noble Janko declines to give them his virginity outside the bonds of marriage, WCTU members (some of whom are women) conspire to have him whacked.
Dixie? Criminal mastermind carves a gun from a bar of soap, escapes from federal prison, commandeers a Hummer, holds up a liquor store, drives undetected cross country, crashes into Janko's car, then returns to prison before roll call.
Klempner? He really hates Christians.
Gus? Frustrated by being marginalized on his own website and intimidated by Janko's 12-year doctorate (equivalent of nearly 40 110-day TESC humanities degrees), Gus hires a team of Bay of Pigs refugees to blow up Janko's car. Unfortunately refugees are now 70 years old and manage only to wire a cherry bomb to his radio, succeeding only because Janko hits a moose crossing the interstate.
Janko's parents? We wanted him to go to dental school, but no, he has to be Calvin Luther, spending all our tuition money on useless divinity degrees--then takes a vow of poverty while we live on social security, the ungrateful putz.
Who cares? In six weeks no one will even remember him.
