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Sunday, February 29, 2004 ( 10:36 PM ) "broken heart beats faster with me in you" "is bling-bling a date destroyer?" in short: yes. things that need to happen: amnesty "TGFIFO*" beach party. i am seeing: pineapple, invitation only, my green thingy that doubled as a veil, mixed CDs, dancing, invitation by application/amnesty club attendance yea. now i'm gonna pretend that my room is clean, YO. p.s. i feel better. *thank god february is fucking over # ( 9:21 PM ) you make me want to get out of my house and in a canoe. (not really) the other day (wednesday, i think) i was elipsing and it was sunny and nice. and i was thinking what a nice place. and despite some complaints about the bible belt, etc. etc., i had a moment of midwestern pride. there's a ben folds concert in a while. and i might go. (for old times sake?). but probably not. oh wait. i cant. so nevermind. despite the extreme stellarness of yesterday's one o'clock hour, and our rocking performance, i feel rather rotten. but it is um, everyone else's fault. i'm not just saying that because i feel rotten, but because other people have made me feel rotten. which is pretty sucky. and now i am being forced to do stupid things like clean my room. which is pretty stupid. i have a piece of paper on my ceiling. it has been there for a long time. my ceiling. sigh. lost in translation vs. the academy awards i saw sweeney todd today. it was really good. 3x better than west side story. but also creepy. and a little gross. i had a piece of cake for lunch. yum. i suppose i say "pretty" too much. sims, maybe? clg # ( 12:45 AM ) from the day he was born. i looked for "i'm gonna steal your girlfriend" couldnt find it. was frustrated. cheered. accidently had a solo about masturbation (hooray?). lost voice. saw cool hair do. now i sound like a smoker... sort of. witnessed a good puppet show. sort of flipped up my skirt... but in a totally good way. had fun with john rooney. stole some of my parent's french fries. i have to get to art on time next week. today was rather yay. i think. except a little bit. oh well. i have a plan. and a pretty ring. sort of. alright. that's it. clg. (!!!) # Saturday, February 28, 2004 ( 4:39 PM ) your day breaks your mind aches... BUT THEN you see your long lost buddy (eh hem.) think "oh gawd, oh gawd." lie. blush. giggle. and life is good again. no really. mmm. i suppose that the bitchy girl in Drive Me Crazy says to Adrien G. in the party scene is true. perhaps even very true? clg. p.s. CLAMOR PARTY TONIGHT ALL AGES IRON POST cost: 5 dollars (or more if you are generous) dancing, music, mini movies, songs, and bestly RADICAL CHEERLEADING. 8pm-1am performy stuff 10:30--??? # ( 12:02 AM ) "cordelia is still more or less valid" summary of tonight: grilled cheese chez "merry ann" bowling mystery science theater 3000, the movie (hooray) cordelia interviews herself. clg: if someone said "YOU HAVE TO MARRY A ROBOT, OR I'LL KILL YOU AND EAT ALL OF YOUR FAMILY" who would you marry? clg: i would definitley marry Crow. clg: not R2D2? clg: R2D2 and i would not exactly "mesh." R2D2 whistles. Crow tells jokes. hooray! rc was good. i might have to alter my outfit for tomorrow though... oh no. art. oh no. i was supposed to have taken pictures of important stuff to me to make my book. then we're going to exchange books. um. maybe i can exchange with sara and then we can secretly change back. i must be a greedy person. oh well. i looked at my subbie yearbook. things that have noticeable changed about myself: my bangs are shorter. then i got sick of it and threw it across the room. um. my comments work for me. but maybe no one else. hm. bummer, i suppose. no not really. today i witnessed the spider ambush on the quad. it was great. i decorated my green lunch box. sometimes i think about what it would be like to be in the witness protection program and how much it would suck. i'm pretty sure i think about this in fitness. i read a book about it once. the girl sent her boyfriend a letter. and that was bad. because the letter was stolen and read by the bad guys. yes. now i am being tucked in. oh well. at least i am still more or less valid. (thank you, googlism) clg # Thursday, February 26, 2004 ( 11:16 PM ) it's heaven when you find romance on your menu. i am like a tattoo artist. all superstitions and ink. a sudden breeze has hit my foot. i know i am nosy and maybe sometimes a fledging beef liker but some- times these new fangled posts are too obvi ous and i dont like that. oh well. # ( 9:43 PM ) peel. i just made a referrence, then was like "WAIT THAT IS HELLA FAMOUS. everyone will know what you mean... erase... erase" cant tell *all* my secrets on the same day. fuck shit damn it. university ave is busted up---> cordelia is late for french despite leaving early---> has to get up before 7 tomorrow. yea, fuck shit damn it. best floor of the art ed building: 3rd. upcoming trend in amateur-pro photography: non secular hand symbols. i'll start it, it'll be good. it is: you're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an "E" or first string. i heard: you;re as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an eel. i, of course, liked my version better, but not everyone can be as much of a lyrical genius (hahaha) as me OR have as many hit singles as me. alas for them. today i wrote a reading journal entry and it was a worthless piece of crap garnished with a stick of celery=disgusting and unsatisfying. oh well. i dont have to read it *ever* again. mmm. i like grapes. i should be writing an english paper about pygmalion and emma. (AH) but no. bad girl. ok at two pages i will reward myself and then write a monster conclusion. hm. or maybe a bit of nonsense? oh. right. i got my PLAN scores back. talked to mr. smith about APs, was asked lots of hypothetical questions, decided not to worry until senior year. mm. had good dinner. why, why why. AHHHH. cordelia. p.s. alkaline trio covering good musicals/cult films = good p.p.s. speed levitch= my favorite. cordelia, again. # Wednesday, February 25, 2004 ( 9:07 PM ) i dont want somebody to love me... ok. the revised party info is: saturday 8pm-1am clamor party the iron post (all ages) [my promise of dancing will be fufilled] you may now consider me free. sort of. but only because i turned in my concurrent enrollment forms and feel: organized (despite not having my homework done), grown up, smiley, good, ambitious and more than a little bit full of myself. hoo-ray. people i would like to see again include: sigi, juice, frank and ducky. today was ash wednesday and like everyother ash wednesday i forget that it is a special wednesday and the first catholic i see is always a surprise. for some reason i dont remember seeing people with ash on their forehead until i came to uni. but maybe i just mistook it for dirt. which is very easy, especially when it is the end of the day and there is only a little smudge left. my mom told me that it was like this for her too. and how all the catholics went to catholic school... so she never saw them... and hearing "there go the papists!" yes. mm. my mom has just informed me that i cant dance my whole life and that i must study. personally, i disagree. but i dont want her to take away my dinner carrot (oh haha, cordelia, you are fuh-knee) clg. # Tuesday, February 24, 2004 ( 11:02 PM ) 1. during rehearsal today i was playing with my chin and i thought "i wonder what chins are made of-- exactly" you would wonder that if you felt my chin... but then i thought "oh no! what if messing with my chin changes it!?!?" so i patted it back into shape. it was a very cordelia moment, if i do say so myself, and i do. 2. i was thinking about my stomach and then "we used to be friends" by the dandy warhols came on and the very beginning sounds like a tummy noise so for a second i was a little confused. but then ah ha, i got it. yes. # ( 8:20 PM ) oh yea, i wait tables too. everyone remembers fountains of wayne for "stacy's mom." but what about "sink to the bottom?" i am very partial to that song and find it really great especially when sung by a bunch of slamming actors at the end of a really good performance. to say i fell in love with a (the) fool would not be entirely false. i suppose. also, rufus wainwright has begun to warm my little icy heart. as a result, i now have a puddle sloshing around. actually, that was a lie, a big FAT HONKIN lie. not that anything is wrong with being fat. there are things wrong with being morbidly obese, but that is different. french today was good because we talked about mardi gras. today i was very groggy in the morning (very unusual, i know) and my mom woke me up the second time (it is a routine to wake me up twice, nevermind) and said "good morning cordelia, it's mardi gras. would you like a waffle for breakfast?" and then i shouted "YEA" i think i was very shrill. but still it is a nice contrast to yesterday when i got out of bed and then went back to sleep on the floor. haha silly girl. i am getting very good at my single-benefit hosting-pretty-apartment owner-dish dance. also the college coed bohemian dance is getting pretty good. all this talk of dancing. and no where to do it, you think. well, you think WRONG. saturday night, the iron post will experience a CLAMOR PARTY. to ask for specifics would be mean because i don't know them. oh well. BUT I DO KNOW THAT RADICAL CHEERLEADING WILL BE THERE (10:30ish perhaps). i actually dont know ob (whether or not) there will be dancing. BUT... if you come for dancing and there is none i will have a short dance party (read: less than a minute) with you. LESS THAN A MINUTE?!?! yes well, dance-lover, we can have MULTIPLE dance parties. oh yes. it will be a blast (kaboom). i really like movie music. hm. things i want: thursday night. things i dont really want but wont be too hard: paper writing mm. i am looking forward to watching clueless in class, clamoring, practicing, diner visiting. i'm listening to my "other" playlist (ie movie music). and right now it's ella fitzgerald "what a difference a day made" which is a really good part of my favorite movie. and if you tell me when that is and in what movie i will give you a good surprise. today i wrote batia a note it said: dear batia, i promise that i am not trying to kill you. love, cordelia. P.S. i hope you get this in time. i wrote it in german. i was good. i worked on my presentation. i didnt dabble in word unscrambling. i am not a big fan of singapore (suck it). cordelia. # Monday, February 23, 2004 ( 6:18 PM ) it's always tease tease tease. last night i decided that my bangs needed a trim so i got out my scissors. and tried to trim them. they didnt cut. hmm, i thought, these must be those scissors that refuse to cut hair... so i took some of my longer hair, to test out my theory, and oops. i guess i was wrong. but now i have a dramatic medium length lock of hair that slips in front of my hair... haha, or so i'd like to think. i went home sick from school. now i am very tired, must do homework. (more later?) mm. bye. # Sunday, February 22, 2004 ( 8:29 PM ) i wanna give you some terrible thrills [you're a hotdog] i haven't begun to dread school yet... yet. hm. today i accidently woke up right before twelve and then failed to get to radical cheerleading. then i avoided showering for an hour. then i showered. cut to downstairs where my mommy is having a party for a birthday of a friend (bruce). and i was introduced to someone whose last name is ono, and i really want to have this conversation take place: mom: "cordelia, this is so-and-so ono" me: "really... OH NO!" but i resisted the urge. so it was very boring. but then i played with mina, his three year old. and she had big honking cheeks. which means we are definitley kindred souls. or whatever it is that people say. i thought of a good invention while getting dressed today. haha. but i dont want to discuss specifics because vague is good etc. etc. a while ago there was a list in here and one of the items was a bird tattoo. please add a beard to that list, not a monster one, mind you. i saw the darkness' video where he showers and then gets dried by a towel monster thing. how convienent that would be. i think it is also purple... a definite plus. but i'd probably want my towel monster to be light pink. because i dont want purple fuzz all over. sometimes old people complain about the lack of memorization in schools. hm. but i think it's ok. ummers. hooray i am listening to tsunami-bomb[-planet] covering wise up janet. mmm hmmm. on the radio they were talking about mel gibson's movie about jesus and this one lady said that she took her 14 year old daughter. and it was good but it needed confession before AND after. and i stopped and thought: hmm and then went back to my cheerios. i need too see: the dreamers (starring michael pitt). yummy yummy. i wish i had a tambourine. so i could start my all grrl band. i would be the tambourine player/sound effects/screaming person and the other people could actually play the music. but it would look like i was equally talented/equally a part of the creative process. oh yea. this summer: sticky shirts, new flip flops, hair cuts, cafe paradiso-esque dancing (i am quite a pro)... swimming [Uey]. you were right, i suppose, working at a crap job for a girl who doesn't remember your name isn't such a good idea. oh gawd. i have been flowcharting from the bottom up and now it doesnt make any sense. oh well. i suppose i will just plow through and hope ms. yi doesnt mind. (you're as sensual as a pencil) cordelia # ( 12:54 AM ) grab your umbrella. today was good except for speaker malfunction. i need to go to bed. it is cold. clg # Friday, February 20, 2004 ( 11:12 PM ) p.s. [the best part of a letter] i think i should be like lloyd dobbler and take up kick boxing. # ( 11:03 PM ) colder nights, warmer thighs. i just got back from seeing twelfth night. and it was oh so very very very good. and mmm. i loved it. and it makes me not want to do as you like it in the period at all. at all at all at all. but enough with sounding like a theatUR person. i should find my sketchbook (complete with storyboard). otherwise it'll be boo hoo boo hoo for me. last night i read a blog post about my injuries from baseball. and i missed baseball season because: 1. i didnt really have to do anything so it was like the get out of pe free period 2. i got pretty injuries a. except when i had stitching marks on my neck... ew. stupid girl. i saw kinzie and the liss girlies that was fun. very fun. i like my bus. i do not like harry potter. mm. 5-11 and already cooler than i'll ever be. i wore my turkey socks today. yow. # Thursday, February 19, 2004 ( 10:20 PM ) jovanovich my earring got burned that makes me very sad. but this almost makes it better. almost. oh. gard. walking around on those, what do you call 'em? oh yea, motherfucking feet. oh what geniuses you guys are. yum. i wish gender studies was part normally offered. that would make me happy. i am going to bed. maybe. ok yes. after i brush the teeth. i think. clgggggggggggggggggggggg # ( 8:26 PM ) gonna walk, walk, walk. my windows media player categorizes my music. what a laugh. a ha ha ha. no. not really. um. in a bit i will go make some yummies and maybe paint my nails. the lake in our driveway is gone, oh what a sadness. also sort of sad: no post cafe. but not HARRIBLY sad. oh take your harry potter and shove him. things that are good: heart shaped cookies, my barette i finally got some college mail. but it's for west point. um. someone didnt do any research. www.youyesyou.net i dont really have much to say to you. so i will give you pretty pictures... no actually i wont. just go to toothpastefordinner.com ccc # Wednesday, February 18, 2004 ( 10:57 PM ) nancy and her family are on top of the world. i like: troubled hubble, rentertainment, the triplets of belleville, being mark's teammate, ice cream, not brushing my hair, my kitty scissors, my pillow i love: pelicanny i am interested in: the lake in our drive way, being forced to jump into the car i like thinking about: a pelican picnic and the pretty coat. mmm. the possibility of henna-ing my hair has been put off two months *boohoo* (sort of). we'll call it a post. clg (P.S. I AM JUST WAITING TO DROP THE HYPHEN-BOMB) # Tuesday, February 17, 2004 ( 10:28 PM ) save your life, dont do it the us way. man. some people need to um... get brains. especially when i read what they write and then i want to stab myself. no names. i guess i dont really want to stab myself, not even stab them. but if you're gonna do something. you should do it right. some people remind me of: leeches. not in a gross way. just very sad. and clingy. oh well. i have a pretty barette that is good. shutup. # ( 10:18 PM ) broken hearts are overrated, you died alone because you waited. whether or not i believe that statement is URRELEVAENT. mmm. fajitas. no really. yummy. blog contest #264: cordelia is going to minnesota this summer. figure out how she can leave minneapolis on july 10th on a flight after 4pm and get to france with two days. email your answers to lootsgol AT uni DOT uiuc DOT edu , or post them in the comments. winners get a prize (1. undying love 2. candy 3. something better 4. surprise) i only did that to help my mommy. anyways. knitting is ugly[sexy] but fun. what else... um. gender studies was good. apparently mr. swim coach howie is changing the freestyle stroke so i will have to relearn it. that is too bad. because that will make me sloooow[er]. who cares about my shoulders anyways? oh well. and i wont even make records because the old ones will count. how depressing. boo hoo. boo hoo. actually i am not worried. as long as i have fun. and am loud and dont drown. and all those good beans. i read something in a blog that i was in disagreement with. so i started talking... yelling. now i was just listening to "like a virgin" if anyone has that cd i would like to have that song. "feels like flying" madonna is about more than just pointy bras, no? little girlies go to bed before 10:30. i am sure. "i think that nasal spray got to your brain" cllllg. # Monday, February 16, 2004 ( 8:22 PM ) we don't wanna love we just want to be touched. this week i would like to make many many mini heart shaped sugar cookies. but i am doubting that that will happen. that that that that that. thursday thursday thursday. yow. my two least favorite things about colds: itchy eyes, sore noses from evil kleenex. i introduced my mom to i love the 80s. hardy har har. i am knitting a brown scarf. i told sara "i am knitting a brown scary" it was a typo, but also a truth, perhaps a freudian slip. the scarf is sort of wide and i am having terror thoughts "oh my, what if it isnt long enough?" and "should i just start over?" but i am like a donkey. stubborn and lazy. so i am plowing ahead. yarg yarg yarg. i really want, and i think tom will agree, to see the swedish chef live and in purrson! saying purson makes me think of cats-->kitties--->pussies--->sex. i had a dream that i was arrested. it was vairy strange. and relevant but not to me, to that movie. that i dont like. i am still a big sneeze, but tomorrow i have at least 30 minutes of collage, playing teacher and listening to music i pick (!!!). see this guy? there is a man on my bus who looks like him. yep. what a charming day. clg # ( 12:14 PM ) love is happiness and happiness is free, a lie were totally trying to believe... i am looking forward to agora days. and seeing john cusack everYday. i am almost positive that i have a babysitting gig saturday and a play friday... whoopsies. my favorite writing device of today is parallel sentence construction and alliteration. that is two actually. oh well. the vacuums are raging, so i should probably go down to the mintbase and watch the vt. i am still ill. sometimes i read blogs and i cringe at the spelling. esp. when it is vair terrible. i just sit there, cringing and twitching. if you are in the amelie class, bring a permission slip... or cry a lot. maybe i will nap a little. ah ha! i see my kitty. i will take my sneezing to a different room... cordEEL. # Sunday, February 15, 2004 ( 11:47 PM ) god is love and love is the devil? apparently it is so. very small movie club. six to be exact. but that is ok, more might've taxed the pasta supply. i am ill. liberate the beauty queen. there was not a single character that i liked in Igby Goes Down. which is unfortunate. but only sort of. when i am well again i will be very partial to a milk shake. for some reason it seems like there were going to be oooodles of shows around now, i guess they have dissapeared from my view or something or been cancelled. i am getting medication spam. my elbow has been scraped. how sad. how terribley terribley sad. i have just found an ad for some sort of clothing company. it is a little girl feeding lettuce to a T rex. hooray! ["the destruction of the dinosaurs"(it was very firey and not a bad guess)] i enjoyed the pasta and salad. bed sounds like a good destination. very good. perhaps with ms. andrews. clg # ( 1:03 AM ) you'll only make her run far away. my online diary section of my "favorites" is called "blogs that are tasty" but some of them are not tasty. some of them are the most stupid stuff that i have ever read. sehr sehr sad. so i guess i should make a folder called "blogs like cream of wheat." cream of wheat is bland, white, and boring. my throat is strange feeling. i used to eat cream of wheat. this morning i had cheerios. they got soggy much too fast. faster than normal. boo hoo. "the truth seems like a lie." ms. cordelia pancake # Saturday, February 14, 2004 ( 10:38 PM ) polyd'or. i am listening to ts eliot. and alfred noyes. and alfred noyes' voice takes the cake. and i taught alice how to catch a watch. i did not go to the dance (obviously) i did not plan to go. i do not like robert frost. yarg. i think i am going to act like a pirate. um. there are these little animals... lemmings, lemmons? lemmings i think. and everyone thinks that they kill themselves because of this scene in an educational disney movie (or something similar) where a bunch of them run off a cliff. but that scene was staged. how triste. i suppose the miseducation of the public never ends. um. 2 finger stabs. 2 days. 1 better than the other. oh well. oh well. oh welll. those poor lemmings. those poor, poor lemmings. ccc # ( 7:42 PM ) the real world seems overrated, so i'll keep it real with you. i went to the urbana library. and i got some free books. for me. to keep. i resisted getting the taxidermy book even though it was blue and free and sort of boring. instead i got two biographies, _Julie Andrews_, and _The Secret Life of Tyrone Power._ I also got one autobiography by Joan Fontaine. i opened to the pictures section of _no bed of roses_ (fontaine) after deciding not to read it when it would make me sad. Then there was a still from This Above All with none other but Tyrone Power. as coincidences go this is not really that great, unless of course Julie Andrew's favorite movie is This Above All... but I still like coincidences (and vonnegut) so it was nice. not nearly as nice as um. things that will sound cheezy if i write them down. alas. [prop]. i think troubled hubble is wrong, but they sound nice, so it doesnt matter. now i am thinking about the americanization of emily, all those women and some other things. i am not feeling all right tonight so maybe i will collage up a storm. or a hurricane. or a tempest. cordeli. # ( 12:19 AM ) p.s. my red sweater from thursdays smells like robert cologne. um. better that than, um, litterbox i suppose. # ( 12:12 AM ) les feuks. um.ers. went to Big Fish, it was vair vair good. and you should see it on the big screen. yep. also drank hot chocolate, stabbed self (accident with pin) and was cold. the story of my life. more layola.com in german (hooray). um. art tomorrow. oh. must find that cd.... must remember cd. bla bla bla. i hate: bla bla bla i like: yada yada. eh hem. bed for little girls. please to give a random number. cRlg # Thursday, February 12, 2004 ( 8:32 PM ) dur-dur les mecs. after a nice, but hot, post cafe i came home. in the mood for french celtique rap. i put in the cd. it's fucked up. or should i say "tout foutu" no i shouldnt. that makes me really sad because i am in a vair big french rap/hip hop mood. linkin park can take meteora and shove it, all i want is that good old manau. things i enjoy: barbie.de. alyssa and i looked at this fashion site in german and herr w couldnt believe that this was sold out. my favorite thing about layola.com is how the models are photo shopped onto the backgrounds. mmm. this is turning into a link entry. my favorite dancing italians (i especially like the girls in pink with feathers) um. i have plans to make class#1 more exciting. tonight my dinner is pizza. hooray hooray. right now my favorite 15 seconds of music are from 2:30 to 2:45 in the song city lights by lbc. it is very appealing. are you ever so bored that you are proping your head on your hand, reading something and then feel like your head will just roll off your hand and hit your computer desk? yea, me too. off for study. cordelia. # Wednesday, February 11, 2004 ( 8:37 PM ) they might laugh, and they might tell us that we're fools, but they're just jealous. maciej says "crampons" everyone hears "tampons" herr w hears "crap ons." AND scene. now that some things have totally become impossible, we can all relax and remove our filters. coffee that is. something i hate: when my boots eat my socks. sometimes. my father calls me down to dinner, but i dont hear, because i hate braying. [if that is a word] *much later* radical cheerleading kicks my ass. so does storyboarding, anke scholfield, halloween, rhps, the failures, etc. etc. accidently found someone's blog 8th hour, had a good laugh with amelia (hahaha). i almost forgot that spellcheck is not the authority on everything, almost. tomorrow is going to exciting despite the "pissy mofo" who is vair immature. oh well. at the bus stop ben and i saw this man feeding a pigeon mini m&ms, the pigeon was very brave [stupid] and scared some lady who was nice. also, we saw people, i might've drooled [um. yea right.] and we [I] acted like birds when we passed someone talking on a cell phone. ALSO, we saw a rather rotund boy slip and slide [slipping and sliding, what a good time, but now he has to find a bed that can take this weight] (something like that) image me, up late [early] on a half couch listening to this song with the beer bottle door, and the book light. the height of my summer. before i get down to business, i will leave you with my prediction for the height of tomorrow, the height of saturday and the height of this coming summer... tomorrow: 5:30pm-??? saturday: john cusack, art class and photos avec sara summer: mosquitoes, fireworks, a lake, blushing, correspondance, humidity. (cordelia) # Tuesday, February 10, 2004 ( 10:01 PM ) i've been a bad bad girl. i now have a reason to keep my cell phone on. my parents would be happy. if only they knew. oh haha. oh gosh. how do i live with myself? m-y-s-t-e-r-y. lala. # ( 9:56 PM ) i simply remember my favorite things and then i say "FUCK SHIT UP" there is a weird squiggle on my computer. what else? what else? i am afraid that perhaps. maybe. i have been blushing a lot. but it doesnt matter that much. because no one [except maybe me] knows why. oh secrets. what fun. i suppose things have gotten really good really fast and, as troubled hubble is telling me "it's a great time to be alive [and alone]" mm. bye. # ( 7:05 PM ) 'cause we can get down. no really. mmm. i suppose one of my least favorite things is explaining myself. oops. french class was really good today with win lose or draw and a test tomorrow. not that tests are good. but win lose or draw is definitley vair good. i suppose i should continue with the trend of relating disgusting happenings to the masses (of two). i just opened my collage magazine which might be a light male magazine (?!?!). anyways. there is an axe ad for axe's new line of underarm deodorant: "AXEdry" and it features a woman in a bikini riding behind a stumpy thing with ugly feet on a horse along the beach. this stumpy thing, upon closer inspection, appears to be an arm pit. ew ew ew. oh my. this magazines seems to be FHM. elle isnt much better. oh gawd. oh gawd. i would describe this ad to you, but it is just super embarassing and icky and ew ew ew. mmm. the rumors are, as of today, not true. it was simply a communication failure on someone's part. and to think he didnt believe that i knew so-and-so in the biblical sense of the word. tsk tsk. well and then it was a communication connect on other people's parts and before you know it, uh oh... abbey road seems to be cracked. hm. i wonder if that is my fault. it's time we take control. things i like: making playlists, thinking about valentines, pink shoelace, pretty bracelet, old skool lbc [lettuce bacon cantaloupe?], reading AIM convos out loud. when i got home, i opened the door like it was my birthday, and then i really got home. i also saw mr. KFC and mr. redjacket on the bus and got taken farther than [i would want to go on a first date] necessary. but it was mild [salsa is in the white bowl] today so it didnt matter. man. who wants to collage with "ideal home?" not me. that's who. sometimes i wish: i could twirl a baton. othertimes, not so much. getting very visual. cordelia # Monday, February 09, 2004 ( 10:46 PM ) and i've seen blue skies through the clouds. i was just looking at pictures of celebrities from when they were little and then as adults in one of my collage class magazines. and i looked at a picture of jennifer aniston and my first thought about her adult picture was "CHIN ATTACK!" i suppose the same could be said for kerry, jay leno and henry. a tiny bit ago i went over to my top bunk and began making dentist chair noises at my cat. he became agitated and hit me in the face several times. the story of my life [i always get the fuzzy end of the lollypop?] craving: v8 splash or some juicy kind of juice. hopefully in a box. (still reading collage magazines) i like the way drew barrymore smiles at reporters. it's sort of like she's laughing at her self... or something equally somethingelse. EW. this magazine says that Clay Aiken is tub mate numero uno. EW EW EW. with that absolutely terrible thought, i bid you goodnight. clg. # Sunday, February 08, 2004 ( 10:19 PM ) lucy in the sky with diamonds. tomorrow i will wash my hair. i meant the thingy about ionic breeze is an ad. again. i wanted the violent femmes. only found bush. so nice to have meeting times based on something as temporary as finger nail polish. so nice. i drew a woman and then i drew her again in pirate form. psst. psst. i get sick of the ass kissing of craftster. oh boo. i really want some juice. we have none. how tragic. also tragic: math class. pe. boys who ink their own noses. little girls who trip and break noses. their is a strange draft on my arm. it is not appreciated. not at all. don't sleep too long, you might miss your favorite song. clg. p.s. "break" american minor. # ( 5:13 PM ) there was a riot on the streets, tell me where were you? listening to sublime. april 26th 1992, what happened then? i was only three or four, so i cant remember. rioting, obviously, but which riots? hoorah. i have a babysitting job for saturday the 21st and it is for a long time. and it will be fun. and he is canadian so i will say stuff in french to him. i have just realized today that i will not have agora week to make valentines. mmm. that means i have to make them this week. i also have to decide who to give them to. out of convienence, no non-uni people. ta da. what a great decision. hooray for me installing a comments system. boo for the stupid counter. dont click the link below it, it's an ad. sublime has been abandoned in favor of eugene mirman. mmm. "quel stud" i had tasty pears and cheese for lunch instead of chicken. oh well. chem is making sense hoorah. um. i would like to say that my german paper is very bad. and it is almost a page. almost a page of torture. putting on pants would be a good idea. mmm. i have been pantsless for 6 waking hours. haha eugene mirman. hahahahaha. haha. ha. that's all. clg # ( 1:05 AM ) with that oh oh oh. mmm. i just went to a hardcore show (hxc... haha.) i worked the door, abused the IMC stamp, inked tom's nose and had cold toes. i also met a newt and a construction worker. today's art class did not excede my expectations. but the first day rarely does. i think the main problem is the adults. dont call me an agist. but they are a problem. actually really only one or two are. but i still like being annoyed by them. you know. mmm. i went to sara's and we took killer pictures... yes. i wrote ben a poem. and it is really terrible. and i think it might be the worse poem i have ever written. i wrote one once about boys with eyes like chocolate cupcakes. i think it was while i really liked frosting... hm. anyways. that one was good. an oldie but a goodie, as they say. i ate three strawberries when i got home. sometimes. when you read stuff. you have to think it's about you. at least a little. esp when it is written by your friends. it is self centered and rude, probably, but sometimes you just have to. i have just become sad, decided i needed the beatles, gone downstairs to find Revolver (the album, not a gun). but Abbey Road will have to do. Actually it wont. it isnt good enough because i cant sing along because i dont know the words. how tragic. i suppose i could go find a magnifying glass and see all the proof on the album that conspiracy theorists cite. but. i dont think i will. i suppose you could say it always happens like this because i am dumb. but, apparently, not dumb enough. no. not nearly. argh. silly father for having revolver out of the house. argh. i suppose the only thing this needs is a list, and some fairy dust: things i like: my shoelaces, ts eliot, making barfing noises, strawberries, pears, my cat, tommy wommy, seeing james, pretending to be ivanka, making storyboards, accompanying my storyboards with lucky boys confusion, revolver, tea, my collage class, being door guard, cafe paradiso's bathroom, zoe s. and ryan, dorothy parker things i am missing: revolver, my sweatshirt, summer, the good ol'days, things i am not liking: coffee, accidently turning off my computer with my toe (only an idiot could do that accidently, an idiot like me), the pattern things that i am looking forward to: missing school, thursday night, more storyboards, strawberries for breakfast, chicken for lunch, getting out of this mess things that i must remember: wear bathrobe downstairs for breakfast so as not to startle breakfast guests with my sleepy-girl-not-as-dressed-as-she-should-be-ness. i suppose my mood is no good. i also suppose you could say "hey! at least she doesnt have an eating disorder" yes well. i also also suppose that it is time for girls to go to bed. girls who, despite something, still BLABLABLABLABLAbaklajasjdmx,,lklkb,. hooray for unorthodox endings and eugene mirman (in the love list). cl-g # Friday, February 06, 2004 ( 11:39 PM ) little things. cross your legs tightly, ladies, you are in for the ride of your lives. i am not joking. smooth out your skirts. fluff up your hair. i have started reading _Cat's Cradle_. that is it. i wanted to read _The Virgin Suicides_ but it is out until March fifth. lots of things are march fifth. mmm. the gotards. yay yay yay!!! mmm. sleep. even yayier. everymorning my alarm goes off at 6:20 but then i either ignore it or get up and turn it down and sleep until 7:05. my dreams between 6:20 and 7:05 are always the weirdest and most memorable. this morning it was an italian floor type thingy. clg # ( 5:55 PM ) with a sure sense in heart and in meaning, you know i want you part of my 5 fold plan to eliminating bad sanity from my life is acting like a maniac. which i just did to track three on the roy g biv cd, thank you very much. let's see. i am still glowing with love over Emmawoodhaus666. oooh. art class tomorrow. HOORAY. HOORAY. eight minutes have passed. i think. sometimes things are very confusing to me so i just think, i dont have to deal with this, i can stop caring, perhaps i will regret these thoughts later on. no, i wont. there isnt enough time to regret things other than: haircuts, decisions to not wear underwear, decisions to burn things. not that i have such regrets. it is hard to explain, so i wont. sometimes, people say "what?" when they've heard something and are just buying themselves time to parse whatever whoever just said. sometimes when people say "what?" i just assume that's what they mean... mostly when i dont have the energy to re-say whatever i just said. but then they start saying "what?" really loud and aggressively. i am now going to write a story about freezing to death and being a polar bear and exciting feelings and the feelings of sadness, rejection and horniness a certain you-know-who (wait! no you dont! it's my secret! MINE MINE MINE) must be feeling i will give it to him and say "i am sorry i sort of lied. i am also sorry that you have the most beautiful blank that i have ever seen it is really quite a distraction" and then someone will say "cordelia, stop talking to no one in particular, it makes you seem like a crazy person" "ok" oh wait. clg # Thursday, February 05, 2004 ( 10:52 PM ) and we slept in our clothes. february is not happy by nature. i guess when one is insane it doesnt matter. conclusion: i need less sanity in my life. rule1: try not to read books right side up rule 2: listen to more eugene mirman. "what's your name? john smith, what's your name? eugene mirman. Mirman, man of the sea!" haha. i got my french placement test score back today... HOO-RAH. i also ate salad and toast. i also wrote an aim convo between emma woodhouse (emmawoodhaus666) and harriet smith (harrietpuddingface) that was very funny and used "lol," and "omg" a lot. it also featured lots of emoticons, they played a supporting role. mmm. my cat was on my floor eating some official looking school document and i went over to see what he was munching. i realized that it was just a french test, so i gave it back, my motions saying eat up, little kitty, and then he lost interest, silly cat. silly cat. ummm. tomorrow i might go see The Company at the new art theatre. but that is only if it is still showing. math was particularily awful today. i should be better. but i almost cried. it was that bad. batia and i have invented a new game for fitness, making it much more BEARable. it is dance-catch (stylish name to be announced later) and you play catch with the medicine ball and do cheeky girls dance moves. mmm. short day tomorrow. HOORAY! i cant decide whether to go to a concert or the dance against aids on saturday... or neither. (this socialite needs a rest? nah...) one of my shades fell down. oh no! now it will be very light in my room. esp. if my silly neighbors leave their side door light on. oh well. my favorite things right now (in no order): radical cheerleading, italics, ts eliot, dorothy parker, fruit, eugene mirman, the friendly books, law and order, original flavor chapstick brand chapstick, the big sunglasses i only remember to wear at night (when it is too late), sleep, hot chocolate, art on saturday, sleeping late. crayons. my not so favorite things: the unfortunate pants situation, the falling off the face of the earth of certain people, schlepping out to barnes and noble for something i was promised, finding out that it's not there... but i cant complain, it is free. my willingness to take have a terrible summer job just to see my friends. poor us. poor us. clg # Wednesday, February 04, 2004 ( 10:02 PM ) 700 mb the highlight of my day: mr. garvey beginning the love song of alfred j. proofrock in french class. and not going on, me continuing. him not. (lack of knowledge? perhaps). also dorothy parker. was terribly unhappy after school. went to radical cheerleading---> felt better (sort of). i might not go to the french thingy tomorrow. i want to see the gotards. and m.i.a. (again). dammit. i wasnt going to wash my hair tomorrow but now i smell all zorba's-like. damn it. dumb hair. i think i should cut it all of. ARGH. bed. i hope. # Tuesday, February 03, 2004 ( 9:32 PM ) "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons" - ts eliot today was full of vibrations and stress. baaad. on the bus i saw cobalt blue jacket woman, red jacket man, the ghost of the woman from "Where in the world is carmen sandiego?" (is it mean to call people ghosts?), i also saw the fried chicken man. i have discerned that he works at KFC, is not necessarily "one of those creepy men..." Some days i think "today was a courdoroy day" today i thought "today is a multiple sweater day" "if you lose me, girl, you lose a good thing" i really am not comfortable with the idea of the classes i take now impacting the rest of my life. i should just get used to it. spring play will either be as you like it, or rumours. hm... even though i feel more attracted to rumours (nice verb, cordelia) as you like it would have lots of parts... ie good. after dinner my mom looked at my arm and said "you've got another bruise!" yep. then i showed her the others. she was slightly appalled... at floor hockey's growing viciousness... maybe. also... i might have a virus on my computer... but no promises. it might've been a dumb pop up window... i dont know. oh well. louise brooks is a good desktop... but it might have to change *gasp* oh no! another louise brooks picture... not as fun. a little math... then bed. cordelia # Monday, February 02, 2004 ( 9:24 PM ) close to water. stomping in puddles-- rocks my socks off. AH! the horrors of junior year schedules. ew! this has been established so far: physics, eng, pe, advanced topics, german 4, history and some form of french at the u of i (maybe). i am wanting to take spanish but that is just cordelia being stupid and dumb. i told my mom that pe shouldnt be required, pointing to my ankle, swollen from Farid's hockey stick, "how am i supposed to find a mate like this?" "my ankles are big and i found one" "but you're thin" *pointless stuff ensues* enjoyable: the bus minus fried chicken man, stomping around in my boots, german class, boys, couches, the virgin mary, summer parties complete with boys who offer you salt sticks, that guy named juice, viking dave, dave the non viking, pretty umbrellas, light schoolbags bad: fried chicken stench, my ice pack, juice withdrawal, my mom calling our zine a brochure (i am insulted! it doesnt say something about you, it says stuff about me true), schedules, my dumbness. clg # ( 6:41 PM ) i meant every word i said... for a wet, snowy, sort of cold day it was good. usually february sucks and is really cold. but it was mild and ok. AND i road the bus with benjer... yay! a few days ago i was on the bus and this guy came and sat behind me and he was one of those creepy men, and i remember thinking he either smells like mass produced donuts or fried chicken, i can't decide which and i saw him again... with a bucket of fried chicken... mystery solved. my lox was salty this morning so i was thirsty all day. oh well. more later, maybe. my mom wants to hang out. cordelia # Sunday, February 01, 2004 ( 9:14 PM ) "The hickey is the sexual equivalent of a cat pissing on its own corner of the lawn, and about as sexy as a chocolate ice cream stain on a Calvin Klein original." beautiful things could be done with those dorothy parker poems. not that they arent good enough already. cordelia gets a taste of what it's like to have a one night stand - 100% intensity: the other day, i saw someone with whom i had talked for some length on a late summer night, quite dark. the kind that makes people forget about [seagulls, sore teeth, consequences, the past, one's inhibitions, morals, husbands] everything. it was not a, what was i thinking?!?! thought because, as i have stressed again and again talking to jerks and guttersnipes Is allowed. it was much more of a hmmm... but for a second, it was there. and then i hid my face. i was not seen. good. the italics button sort of kicks my ass in a bad way. very bad. right now i like the idea of a bird tattoo... a bird that is blue. tom likes the idea of a sleeping cat. why is it that we are too lazy for real dictionaries? oh those pages, so heavy, so not durable. just like my chem book, i put my sweaty little palm (freak out much?) on it and when i lifted it up the page done and ripped in 1/3. silly book. useless book. eat shit and die. i felt like telling someone that they were a dork. i meant it in the best way ever. just like when tom calls me a prude. which i am not. thank you very much. i just exercise reserve and caution AND i remember important things that one learns in the infantile years: please and thank yous. and opening the toilet seat before puking. oh well. mutual fun has been poked. net ionic equations have been bitches. maybe i should give up? *clg # ( 12:27 PM ) i dont understand it either, i guess that makes me gay. my hair smells french. not good french. not femmy boys who wear cologne. just weird. it will be washed. yesterday my mom told me that my braids looked really thick... and fake. she meant it in a good way but i still laughed at her. yay art class starts next week. yay yay yay. that means i have to wake up on saturdays. boo. but it means whipped cream. and photo shop. and maybe my mahomet buddies. i have engagements both wednesday and thursday. um. one might not happen. i think the thursday one. that one is awkward. the wednesday one is fucking all right. i hope we dont need it to have a story by saturday. eek. if we do my story will be: a. about two people falling in love under an umbrella b. a road trip gone bad---> ends in freezing to death. for some reason, i think that option b will face opposition from grown ups (olds) but sometimes something just has to be morbid and horrible to be funny. no really. 1. dork 2. piercings 3. bird tattoo 4. glasses 5. mohawk 6. long eyelashes 7. choppy sideburns 8. black hair 9. kitty cats 10. tongue that list has been in my head for around 3 days. i just had to get it out there. i wont tell you what it is. dont try to guess either. the math group plan is going AOK. i'm getting that nagging urge to find a bottle of bleach. it is good that i dont like expending the energy to buy things, otherwise my hair would be a very funny sight. now it is time for homework, the sidewalk heroes, and wanting a tattoo. cordelia. # ( 1:03 AM ) if only i had a habit-- and i don't mean smoking. mmm. good night. this was the second time that i've seen missing in action... yay.yesterday i said "red riding hood" instead of robin hood. haha. german class has taken over my brain... AHHH. i accquired a ring but it was too big for my thumb, so i made a note to myself saying "get fatter fingers" i also gave it to jake, but his fingers kept getting stuck, and he refused to use spit. we almost had to cut off his finger, but we didnt. i got home. found that parents were still up. made them listen to ben folds five, they liked it. my mom tried to teach me to do the pony... a dance? missing in action made me really happy when they played "should i stay or should i go?" a song that holds a special place in my little icy heart. a different band played that 80s song about how if you're friends dont dance then they aint no friends of mine. and i sang along. i really only knew the chorus... so i just made other stuff up. then i sang about class wars... bullets in the car, private eyes in the car, and bricks causing people to go under in the car. my ankles are injured and unhappy... boo hoo. so now i have a finger nail painting appointment. listy time. things i must do in the next 11 days: 1. buy shoes 2. watch a movie 3. call pages 4. get fatter fingers 5. my homework clg. # |
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