Once I swallowed a magnet...

she's a lot, a lot like a robot.
Once I swallowed a magnet...

Once I swallowed a magnet...

( 12:37 AM )
holi-holiday.

"i may look like a big old tough guy, but you know i'm soft inside" heehee. today i watched tv and decided that "til death do us part" is much better than "newlyweds" yea... and also i saw the guy with the ugly wart thingy from red riding hood men in tights playing a rabbi on seventh heaven. the episode was supposed to teach little waspy kids about how jews like food, i deduced this from the warty guy (sans wart, in this case) talking about how he made a wonderful roast beef sandwich. i really prefer the jewish stereotypes of the nanny, because they are exagerated to the point of obviously being stereotypes instead of being presented as truth.
bla bla bla. i had fun with batia tonight.
i have to go to bed now or i'll feel sickaroo.

clg #

( 10:34 PM )
there was you and there was me, WOAH WOAH WOAHHHHHHHHHHH

damn. i love those people. a plow just went by and reminded me of the two things my cat fears: 1. anyone of the loots-gollin household (kari included) wielding a vacuum cleaner 2. the scary plow noises.

so i am listening to the sidewalk heroes, wishing for them, and hating math, also hoping for stuff, and wearing running tights. which makes me feel really hardcore when i run past fat people. but then i go to pe and am a cripple and slow... etc. etc. bla bla bla.

elevator, going up #

( 8:35 PM )
being awake never felt like this before.

how did i go to bed around 9:30 and wake up tired? i tell you, it is a mystery. went to a francophone gathering at espresso royale after school, it was good. my dad was there at the beginning, very out of place, used knocking my hot chocolate over as an excuse for leaving... good for everyone. by and by, more people arrived, and of course there was the age problem... not a big problem, but an awkwardness none the less. then i talked to an extra in movies from Montreal. fun. now i smell like espresso royale, caffeinated and sort of smokey, remnants from when the smoking section was upstairs... like they never got it completely clean.
today in pe we played floor hockey and i got a puck smacked into my shin, it wasnt the edge of the puck, either. then i had a puck mark and it hurt a little and i was like "this cool mark is worth the pain" but now the mark is gone and i am p-i-s-s-e-d... silly cordelia. just like when i had a really cool burn scar. that was cool. then it went away. today in german the movie wasnt working, so we told herr w to blow on the casette and he did. then we told him to blow in the VCR even though we were sure it wouldnt work, and he was like "no! i'm not an idiot, i wont do that, then you'll just tell all your friends" then he imitated us. then, i think he was desperate, he blew in the VCR. herr w, herr w. in my version of red riding hood the wolf eats "herbs," gets the munchies, eats the grandmother because the only food in her house is mulberries, and then he eats red riding hood, but then the peeping tom, eduard der jeger, looks in the window, knocks the wolves brains out, and that's where i stopped. anyways. i was late to math because i went to the french department at the u of i. and i told mr. garvey. and he seemed... perturbed ? um. um. al was doing a great tongue thing in math. it was funny. poor ms. miles. we are bad.

i suppose i should do some math homework now. bleh.

clg. #

( 9:08 PM )
mama joad.

i am tired. my upper arms feel like lead. my day today was "suck" until i road the bus with ben, but then it became suck again. went to a radical cheerleading meeting, met sarah who is very cool. am sort of excited about my costume. am so tired cant even type "i."
bed.

cordelia #

( 10:44 PM )
oh boo hoo.

i do believe that i miss my love, summer, so much that i might cry. i think i need to have a beach party. i was reading old blog posts (of this wonderful blog) and i realized two things:
1. half of the time that i am cryptic i dont know what i am talking about 3 months later
2. one of my favorite summer things is showering... with a juice box. juice that burns my throat.
god damn. snow is the last thing my little self needs. i was reading the posts from may. i remember spilling udon on my hand. gott verdammt. i hate the movie we'e watching in german. it sucks.

i do the best imitation of myself.

lateri. #

( 9:27 PM )
you cant resist her, she's in your bones

i have developed a very baad (bases accept, acids donate) habit of hitting myself in the face. like last night when i realized what i had done. i mean, i knew i had done it. but i hadnt realized how silly it was. so i slapped myself. it's actually quite humorous. mmm. this realization was mostly about numbers. and how f-ing crazy i seem to be. oh wait. ok. new realization. it was not *as* crazy as i thought... almost. oh gosh. scandinavians. oh gosh. please turn off brain. ahh. memories. the memories are flooding back. silly yet sort of bad memories. one thing is undeniable: it is a subject to blush about. HAHA.
how will i ever be able to concentrate on chem now?
damn. damn. oh gosh. if ever there was a crazy girl, it was me. the best part is that no one knows what i mean. of course, there's me. and one other person, but he wont figure it out. aha hahahha. after one incidence of craziness, i asked someone a question and fortunatley it was dark otherwise they wouldve seen me biting my cheeks so i wouldnt laugh and give myself away. that was across the pond though. oh my. heehee.

alright, feels good inside.

clg.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 #

( 8:56 PM )
social calories.

mom complaines about cell phone answering machine message ---> cordelia makes it shorter, but even more annoying.
if you ever feel sad AND hungry eat some celery because you will be eating but losing calories since celery is negative calories. unless you are tom. if you are tom go get wasted on really greasy hamburgers. haha. wasted. i looked up plastered in the german dictionary. it wasnt there (!!!) but they did have "to wolf down." yarg! yesterday i drew a cartoon. i only used green and blue markers. it was about people falling in love. they didnt have noses, so at the end they looked like turtles/green pacpeople but as they say, they dont care anymore. it is a happy cartoon. i am predicting myself falling hard for an umbrella. even though i find them an enormous pain in the ass. (arse) they are sometimes good to have around. especially when you need to hit someone, and your pe clothes just won't do.
ladadadada dont dont ooh ooh hush hush darling
it looks weird, but when she says it it makes so much sense. SENSE PENSE A BOTTLE OF BENTZ.
things i have been thinking about: the terrible cold, shoes, scarves, coats, glasses, my evilness, dumb tests, blas, red, pink, and actually... nothing of substance. i think the agora swim class is becoming a must... boo.

clg. #

( 7:42 PM )
she smiled but i was shy.

in german i amused myself with drawing whales, one fat. on my review sheet there are two words in a row, one is for a type of cup from which one drinks beer, the other is for a chimney. but i thought they were both beer "thingies" so one was "a beer thing" and the other "another beer thingy" this obviously reveals some stereotypes that have been pounded into my very young, mushy and impressionable brain. according to rumors there was some ass in german. but i did not know about it... oh well. tomorrow is the first meeting of radical cheerleaders. i am excited but sad about the cold. again, it should be warmer. bad news=maybe having to take a home business class... "wtf?"
i got to school on time today, due, mostly, to a very scary dream i had. the dream included: a hospital waiting room full of beds, esp. a king sized one, the film poltergeist (nominally), annie's dad, people with bandages for faces, their faces on tables, mark. i would like to say that it was not "dirty" just surreal and sort of terrifying.

summary: cordelia hates slush. had one of the weirdest dreams ever.

clg. #

( 10:28 PM )
we can be happy undergroung

matrix 2: the rave scene... haha. i like thinking about that movie because i saw it on a summer night. and then it was followed by a walk. a wondeful walk and it was dark and green. where i want to be. i am nice, but i am wonderful in summer because that's when great things happen. great things like : sleep, movies, late nights, swims, eugene, never seeing more than one seven o'clock a day, stickiness, and shower relief, little clothing, sandals, toes, happy skin, happy thoughts, fans, ice water, boys who throw pebbles at windows, genuine sweat, the dustiness associated with softball (how my legs long to be so dirty), sprinklers, green green neighborhood, happy things, camp, cat's yearly sickness (ok maybe not so great), art, young love at bus stops, lots of rain and pretty lightening.
but i suppose i should try to like snow so maybe i will sleep with a shade open but that will probably just make me grumpy and irritable (like getting the butt of the bread).
it is futile. i like scarves but sandals are better.

the realization that one can never be happy comes with some relief? no, more like a sick despair. the kind you get in math class.

clg. #

( 7:32 PM )
"with a sure sense in heart and in meaning, you know i want you" -rgb

doug, pe teacher extrodinaire, must think that i am a. a very unfortunate girl b. a cripple c. a hater of running d. all of the above. ok. so i dont like running and i'm bad at it. but usually i try a little. it's just that recently i have been a very unhealthy person. i also seem to have the thinnest nasal membrane in the history of the world as evidenced by its constant and incessant bleeding. like today in pe. i had guaze (courtesy of deedee) shoved in my nose to stanch the bleeding. then i sneezed. then there was no more gauze in my nose. it was very funny at the time. i kept having to go downstairs and passing all the athletes. sad life. then when i was better i asked to run and doug wouldnt let me. i try to pretend like i want to participate and i am discouraged. oh well.
today herr w thought that p diddy's name was "dum diddy doo." in math i felt this desperate urge to um... kill myself. not really i was just so frustrated with not absorbing any knowledge, having a test tomorrow, and lots of stuff. so i figured out how the dorothy parker poem goes. i really like it. it's the one about living just because all the methods of killing yourself are not satisfactory. spaghetti is deifinitley becoming my favorite food and fast. i still love cheez-its but we are out of them. which is very sad. almost as sad as my mother's former pen being almost out of ink. emma took a turn for the better today. HOORAH HOORAH. i am trying to think of a plot for my experimental play its title is something wonderful and the concept is even better, but i dont really have a plot. so the writing process is at a stand still. boo hoo for the public. not so boohoo for me.

there was an answer to most anything...

clg #

( 6:54 PM )
in your chicken skin suit.

this post was begun hella long ago but then all that was deleted. i have decided that the thing i thought was a pattern isnt a pattern, just a one time occurence which is vair good. going to the march in april would also be vair good. i need to bring it up with my parents, but i dont know which one to bring it up with first. face it cordelia, you'll never get to go. oh boo hoo boo hoo. this week i am looking forward to: radical cheerleading on wednesday, 6:30ish at the IMC, the punk rawk show on the 31st, and law and order. i am also looking forward to being alone... in a totally good way. tonight i am looking forward to eating my spinach filled crepe. mmm. mmm. i am getting bored of brian slade looking at me while he is most definitley thinking of curt wild so i had better change my desktop. i would sort of like "tommy gnosis" but i am thinking that using photoshop will occur. what else? well i was just at the IMC for a looong time and it was good and my lemon yogurt tahini dip definitley rocks chickenpocks. that would be a good chickenpox cure, rocking. "dr. loots-gollin, sally has chicken pox.. what should i do?" "well i would suggest some rocking" "uh... what?" "oh have an older friend take her to a rock show and make sure she moves a lot. oh i would also suggest the blackouts, the lovekill and an eensy bit of roscoe plush just before bed. feel free to subsitute any of those with the clash, the ramones, or the sex pistols." cordelia, the alternative doctor. mmm. propaghandi. good. mmm. tasty. now my desktop is black with a very good looking louise brook face in the middle. there is a sara hairbrush on my floor.
* a loooong time later*
went downstairs. looking for dinner. planned on eating the last spinach crepe... mmm. couldnt find it anywhere "where the fuck is my din dins," i thought. it was eaten. so i made tomato soup with outkast and happy thoughts of boys while eating tomato soup concentrate out of habit.
my computer emits lots of heat.
i also thought about how i like my music and how strange it would be if girls said stuff like "i like my music like i like my men, hard, fast, loud and incessant" or "i like my music like i like my men, whiny and depressing" i am in danger of dripping soup all over my keyboard (creation).

bye. #

( 12:48 AM )
gleaming corridor.

i have decided that scarves are the ultimate goodness. also cheez-its, i love them sooo much. and spinach. mmm. i am also into washing my hair, saturday night live and the song "koka kola." concessions was actually fun... i saw part of the faculty game and herr w was an absolute nut. he even knocked down two chairs. if alyssa had not been on the second level she would've agreed with me that he was showing off for.....! soon art classes will start. oh yay. book making and break taking and hot chocolate drinking. i am really loving how my new version of solitaire changes the card backs every day. right now they are froggies. now i am going to roll down my shades and drift off into never-neverland and hopefully dream about pleasant things.

clg. #

( 1:07 AM )
"2-4-6-8 barbie likes to masturbate"

mmm. i was just at a concert. i didnt really like the opening act that much, but i missed most of their set, so i wont say anything. i arrived and was sort of uncomfortable with the genuine good feeling. yeah. weird. so i did wall sits. but they were wimpy so then i sat down. i was with people for most of today (even if it was only jerry orbach). so even though i knew where my buddies were i didnt go over for a bit. the night got better. technically it was a christian concert, but i was wearing my israeli necklace so things evened out. OH! AND it was the coming out party for my little coin purse that i love.it wasnt that great of a party for her, i only spent five dollars... oh well. then we shipped off to ice cream but i just blew paper through straws at people who were arguing about punk rock whenever they said something dumb. jake doesnt like the clash. poor silly. oh well. today i wore three different pairs of socks, but that was because of silliness, laziness and bare-footedness. tired. long ride home but good i know for sure we talked about: the compound that smells like vomit, fazolis, girls, boys, church, me, friends and passing out. there were other things too, but they are top secret. the lead singer looked like a robin.i would like to inform my faithful readership (kinzie?) that right before i went to the concert i had a good hair day... for five minutes until it was ponytail-ized. i think it is time for a list (in unusual format!):
things i like:
vans, bands, magazines, cheez-its, sleep, the clash, the violent femmes, johnny tremain's hand, the hair brush i found in my bathroom, my pretty burgundy colored article, radical cheers, cheerios and their expected blandness, reconciliation.
things i am not liking:
makeup (minus lippy), poor horses, that evil chem quiz.
hoorah for once like is longer than not like. there was a small injured bat in our driveway... that story tomorrow i am tired. i am doing concessions tomorrow at the basketball game... blarf. 10:45-12. but this way i can watch the faculty game. yay. bad cordelia is going to bed.

clg
#

( 9:33 PM )
BAR!

dear max r.,
today you threw away your soda can when you could've walked a tiny bit and thrown it in the recycling. do you know how much energy you could've saved? please stop wearing shirts about saving the earth from pollution. when people do stuff like this it makes me think that they are lazy little bitches. go figure.
anyways. #

( 7:05 PM )
the right profile.

if i ever get a black eye, i hope it is small and doesnt hurt. my dad had quite a stylish blackeye once... given to him by yours truly. no, i did not slug my father in the face. i merely threw a softball at him and he caught it against his glasses. it might have been his first shiner... imagine that "i got my first black eye from my daughter when she was 12." i'm not sure if i was twelve. actually, i was probably 11. but what does it matter? it doesnt. and if you think it does you need to relax. unless, of course, you are writing a book about me. but why would anyone do that? today was a bad day for boys. three of them. d,d,m. in history we were talking about abortion's effect on birthrate. no one was expressing their opinions about whether it was right or wrong. but m goldberg found it necessary to mutter "this is history class, not abortion class" i told him to shut up. then in the lounge girls were being discussed like pieces of meat and i told those people to shutup, how stupid they were being, and that i hated them. which i dont, really. but i guess i got carried away. oh well. perhaps i cant handle it anymore.
do you ever wonder what the talking in songs is sampled from? i do... i really like a roy g biv sample that says "there are people like that, we call them creeps" but i cant catch the first part... boo hoo.

now we find ourselves at the end of an awkward beginning!
clg.
#

( 11:06 PM )
a quick hate list to rid my body of anger and badness:
1. under my bed
2. my pillow
3. tomorrow
4. the new math style
5. preachy stuff
6.the results of purging.
7. the way throats dry up during tests
8.the cut on my finger
9. when people tell me to do stupid things like brush my hair or tell me things i know like... "you have a terrible sunburn!" thanks, i can feel it.
10. homework
11. myself
12. people
13. after pe sweat
14. my hair and its BADness.
15. fingernails
16. my lack of motivation
17. my (un)health

things i like:
1. farid's faces in math class
2. hot chocolate with whipped cream
3. glasses
4. my new underwear (comes with the power to hypnotize!)
5. my possible sex column (dear cordelia, is it bad to....?)
6. scarves
7. nonmatching socks
8. videos in classes
9. the green pen i stole from my mommy (punishment)
10. sleep, but i dont like getting there.

clg #

( 8:48 PM )
"get me a klondike bar" - the woman on my purse... HOT HOT yes. mmm i love her. i made her.

conclusions reached during eighth period: christina aghalhaira is is NAAsty. ben s. and al renner are very curious and um... H. also david is a nice boy but very dangerous. for the past three days i have thought: my pillow is flat but also lumpy. it sucks. argh and then i dont sleep. this morning i was cheery with tom. RIOT DONT DIET... MOLATOV COCKTAIL.

mmmmmm.! #

( 5:02 PM )
p.s. i am getting revenge on my mom for not having crackers in here by eating her pez and pretending they are chewable X #

( 4:56 PM )
my name is jonas, i 'm carrying the whale.

i have a faint feeling that jonas and the whale are biblical but my biblical knowledge is very little so i will just have to assume. i actually dont care. story time: in GSA mr. vaughn began saying stuff about how dressing in drag was dressing in anything you didnt normally dress in. then there was a big discussion. not to um. sound like a jerk (failed) but i really dont care. why get all worked up about it if it doesnt matter? i mean, maybe, if one of us identified with the term drag then it would matter. probably not to me, unless it was me.
perhaps i should explain more. you really have to pick and choose what you worry about, otherwise you'll worry about everything. and you'll get an ulcer... or something. i am rather hungry. oooh. but i must remember my dessert plan. bla bla bla this is boring. i am only writing this so i dont have to read about emma woodhouse.

but i should. even if it is just skimming. bleh.

clghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
#

( 10:10 PM )
you taste like i've always wanted to taste.

the sweet chords and beats of roygbiv are ringing out from my speakers. REJOICE, motherfucker. despite that scary word i just said, i am in a good mood because of several things: 1. radical cheerleading 2. roy g biv 3. lipstick 4. run lola run 5. the late (as in dead) chocolate milk 6. mark and mr. beaver.

hoorah. hopefully i can retain this until tomorrow so tom will not be greeted by oscar the grouch. ok. my mood is now good enough to finish the emma reading assignment.

lalalala! #

( 7:02 PM )
good feeling, won't you stay with me, just a little longer?

last night i didnt sleep very well. mostly because of a pattern i found in my life. i do not care to explain it, but perhaps it should be known as the "cordelia as a stepping stone theory." and it happens too much. tomorrow i am going to try to be reasonably happy in french class. if that involves cocaine... so be it. i have decided that this post will be without lists. because.... lists are only good to me and the beasties.
i have to go eat toast now. and cry. and then read emma. and then apply chapstick. then repeat minus the toast and substitute "study french" for read emma.

la.t.er. #

( 9:03 PM )
slipping and sliding... what a good time.

today i have been 1. grumpy 2. pathetic 3. a wimp. not a very good combo at all. nope nope. ooh. but i did have a nice idea. remember how during the plague people were either a. very reclusive and scared or b. really big partiers. so i think we should start having alert parties. you know. whenever the national alert changes you have a party and you have to wear the color of the new alert to the party or you cant get in. m. also. if the alerts dont change fast enough you can substitute your own system with better colors. like indigo. and hot pink. and "barbie" pink. last night i dreamt that i was hanging out with a german boy and he had a really weird name like "fluffy cakes" or something equally weird. and it was time to go so he got in the trunk but then i didnt have a ride so i had to ask other german people. hm. i think fluffy cakes was the really blond guy from fight club... jared leto? tomorrow in math i am going to write a mini book. just like the cream of wheat story i wrote. but better. now for some lists:

louise brooks, bryce, black, bread, apple cider, milk, emo hair, kitties, the language of the fan, law and order, jerry orbach, the white stripes my dress, purses, magazines, movies, blushing when people say stuff, art class, modge podge, boots, pretty shiny things, the guerrilla girls and silk screening.

slimy mahomet boys, flowcharts, the amount of pizza consumed in my house in the past 2.5 days, how no one is on aim to distract me, the grossness of scissors after cutting tape, large blocks of intimidating text (unless they are about me/by me/or make me smile).

german camp, silkscreening, sewing, law and order, movie making, kissing and ice cream eating.

last list: the cat's scary shadow and scrabbling, whether or not "they" will make an appearance at winter formal.

mmm. goodnight. #

( 12:24 PM )
me? married... gard.

yesterday was good. very busy and stressful near the end (can cordelia frost the cake before the girl scouts arrive? [no]). but also happy and good. today was perhaps the first day for a while that i have woken up and not had the crazy fever of cutting up magazines and making pretty little purses. thank gawd. my stylishness was really beginning to be a burden... ha. mmm. mmm. the last entry in my fourth grade diary ends mid sentence. my fourth grade diary is a very boring thing except when i talk about the "mega boum" and how we had to "dance with a boy!"
here are my goals for today:
1. find hair brush
2. study.
3. put on socks.

the end.
#

( 1:53 PM )
snap fasteners

decoupage kicks my ass. so does the new constitution. it is a sad and sorry life to not be showered at nearly 2pm. ich muss etwas bachen.

wowwy zowwy, cordelia takes initiativeand brings lunch dishes down to kitchen. there is hope for her yet?

clg #

( 10:20 PM )
title: cordelia attempts to explain her self to the confused public (singular) by posting unoriginal song lyrics. *sigh*

Well It's True That We Love One Another

Well it's true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too but there's
Just so much that I don't know about you

Jack give me some money to pay my bills
All the dough I give you Holly
You been using on pain pills
Jack will you call me if you're able?
I got your phone number written
In the back of my bible
Jack I think your pulling my leg
And I think maybe I better ask Meg
Meg do you think Jack really loves me?
You know, I don't care because
Jack really bugs me
Why don't you ask him now?
Well I would Meg
I really just don't know how
Just say 'Jack , do you adore me?'
Well I would Holly but love really bores me
Well maybe we should just be friends
I'm just kidding Holly
You know that I'll love you 'til the end

Well it's true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too but there's
Just so much that I don't know about you

Holly give me some of your English lovin'
If I did that Jack I'd have one in the oven
Why don't you go off and just love yourself
If I did that Holly there won't be anything
Left for anybody else
Jack it's too bad about the way you look
You know I gave that horse a carrot
So he'd break your foot
Will the two of you cut it out
And tell 'em what it's really all about

Well it's true that we love one another
I love Jack White like a little brother
Well Holly I love you too but there's
Just so much that I don't know about you
- the white stripes.

just because you're not jack... it doesnt mean anything.

clg #

( 6:35 PM )
how's it gonna be, when you dont know me anymore?

the things that you remember about people, the things that remind you of them always seem a little weird to me. like in the sock department today i saw some terry cloth slippers and they reminded me of the people who used to live next door to me. fun.
last night i made pretty little coinpurses out of magazine clippings, tape, thread and some glue. one of them uses velcro. i am very proud of myself and i really like myself when i think about colors. but then i get carried away and think stuff like, i could go to art school. then i think... yeah, like scad. haha cordelia, get a life.
[insert stuff about how bad i am and how i felt yesterday]
on a much happier note, winter formal is no longer stressful because i have a dress. and it is pretty. and i like my genes.

cordelia #

( 7:28 PM )
we set out to change the world, ended up just changing ourselves

No heating at uni today---> no school ---> cordelia sleeps until 10:41. my mom just gave me my report card. almost all the teachers wrote little numbers in that correspond to comments at the bottom. sadly for me (or maybe not), half of the comments listed arent there. oh well. i really like mr. garvey's comment, "very enthusiastic, a class asse," i am hoping that his comment was effected by some word limit... otherwise.
today i looked at a bus schedule and it said that my bus came at 1:33, but it was lying, it should have said 1:38. anyways. i got on the bus with a mean CD player that didnt work so i said to myself, "cordelia, you must be brave." so i was. i had to hum to myself though. a block later oodles of kids from central got on. then there were no more seats. i saw kari walking around with her french horn. there were other people that i didnt see. trying to figure out central schedules was to much work for my frazzled little brain. *fast forward to that's rentertainment* i rented velvet goldmine from mr. butler's son. luckily for his sanity, i didnt jump up and down and shout "YOUR DADDY TEACHES ME HISTORY" noooo sir. instead i just asked where velvet goldmine was. good job pretending to be sane, cordelia... then i went to "sra'"s house and we watched it.
in the car today i spilled cheezit crumbs "all over creation." my dad didn't say anything. i think he saw though. oh well. i feel sort of like a zombie. now i am thinking about the international bacon convention that rocked tom's socks off. it is a sad thing to be a person with a camera... mostly only sad when one isnt in any of the pictures.
enough stupidness on my part.

CCCCCCCordelia. #

( 11:24 PM )
i've got your phone number written in the back of my bottle.

who is this holly girl that jack white is talking to? mmm. today was mostly good. i remember half sleeping in german (closing one eye and covering it with my hand) because it was dark and boring. mmm. then after school i watched "fight club" which was good and reminded me a lot of the matrix and a beautiful mind. i was surprised that it was so "deep" i was sort of under the impression that it was all about violence. oh well! i guess i was wrong. i met anna's gerbil/hamster/abomination thing and it was really cute until she took it out and it had this fat little pink tail. i really didnt like the tail. this post is dedicated to Pelicanny, my pelican stuffed animal. I love him so much and without him (or moosey) to clutch, i would be utterly alone in the world. that is not true. i actually also have my cat. his "impaction" is over. which is good. except now i could call him a "spoiled glutton" and not be wrong.
tomorrow i dont have school. sara and i have pseudoplans. nothing big. nothing small. something just right?
"everything i say is a lie"
once ariana's little sister was complaining about having to wear a skirt (GASP!) and then i was like "dont complain to my mother, she was a flight attendant for eight years" and ariana's mother had this enchanted expression on her face, one of missed chances and nostalgia and she was like "really?" and then my mom looked at me and said "no!" it was interesting. i couldve learned a lot about myself. i suppose.
A moment of personal epiphany
this morning i got up to turn down my radio-clock alarm thingy (and go back to bed, of course) because metallica was on. and i really hate their new stuff. and them and anyways... so all of a sudden the "steps for preventing identity theft" PSA came on the radio. "hi, i'm jerry orbach..." i've heard this commercial oodles of times. and i never thought of it before. but today it hit me, JERRY ORBACH=JOWLY LAW AND ORDER GUY, my favorite. it was nice. it neutralized the bad feelings of waking up to music i dont like. anyways. hi, my name's cordelia. i have lots of inner conflict i also am the queen of bloody noses.

clg
#

( 6:12 PM )
janet dr. sock rocky!

this post is brought to you by my deelicious pesto toast without which i would passed out on the floor from hunger and cold toes. there is something truly wonderful about the smell of sourdough toast. "it's even better if you share it with someone you love" mmm. just like STDs. when i listen to the brand new song "i will play my game beneath the spin light" he says this thing... "i read more maps than books, and every chance to leave is another chance i should've took" and all the time when he says that i sort of get ambushed by the sensors in my brain that are screaming "WRONG WRONG WRONG." i am really surprised with myself. i cant stop thinking about my winter formal dress. mostly the fact that i dont have one and how will i ever find one? bad cordelia. for the past week my mom has come in, woken me up and said "i'm going to take a shower, i'll tell you when i'm done" and then i shower after her. this is a good setup because i get to leisurely get out of bed. but now my dad is home. my mom came in and said "i'm going to take a shower" then a tiny bit later he came in and told me to get up. "mmm. no dad, mom's taking a shower, she'll burn aldhlksh" i mumbled into my pillow. he then started trying to explain how they werent attached to the same water heater... or something. i dont know. i wasnt listening. anyways. then he went away. goodtimes.
i have a new desktop picture. for about three hours yesterday it was a picture of michael pitt (the actor) in a bath tub. i think he mightve been having an org@@@@s m. (i dont think i can write that word and not be censored by AOL dumbness of my buddy's computer). but now i have a nice picture of someone from velvet goldmine. i cant remember his name. oh well. he's wearing a brightly colored shirt.
mmk.
that toast was "hella" good
strange boys making girls blush-- AH HA!

cordelia. #

( 8:43 PM )
we swim in your kidney!!!

on the subject of internal organs... has anyone seen the anti-polyp commercials? they rock my socks off. while my family and i were enjoying dinner the phone rang. suspecting it was a telemarketer i answered with an accent. "hello, is melanie jean loots home?" "yes, prease hord on a minute" then i started yelling at my mom in "japanese" then my dad joined in and my mom answered the phone in japanese. needless to say, the poor woman realized the mistake she made in calling the dwelling of the crazies and hung up. i watched law and order. yayayayayay!!!! except it was bad because there were two episodes on at the same time. on channel 28 and 29 so it was wayyyy too tempting to flip back and forth and not really "get" either episode. oh well, sucks for me.

clg. #

( 4:55 PM )
p.s. this morning i woke up and the mohawk bird had migrated to my face.... but it came off with soap. #

( 4:55 PM )
we are the best at what we do.

congratulations to you if you can pull off a tongue piercing without looking like a. a "slut" b. something who woke up with a tongue piercing and a hangover c. someone who did it themself and now has an infected tongue. no offense to my numerous friends with tongue piercings (?). good times today in the lounge, minus david and the loud incessant "LALALAs" or where they nananas? beats me. english was the place of good times with audrey hepburn starring in "my fair lady." history was fun with mr. butler memories of the u of i during the vietnam war to explain mob mentality. i should go do my pretty homework so that i can watch law and order. mmm.

cordelia #

( 10:29 PM )
flag burning.

everyone is sad. everyone. so strange. the only answer is free chocolate and caffeine. #

( 5:47 PM )
the sea is foaming like a bottle of beer.

today we finished the german national exam twenty minutes early. so i sent urgent actions to timothy johnson and a lot of russian guys. in the words of weezer, be cool. i drew a sort of bird with a mohawk on a fork branch with a nest filled with three eggs on my left hand today. the bird is saying "i'd take my feather suit off for you, if you asked." i only made his feathers go up to his little bird chin, hence the suit. i think it is a man bird, but really that is the bird's private business and not mine at all. i dont even know who he is talking to, maybe his little eggies or maybe some bird that is leaving him. poor mr. mohawk-bird. i just went to blurty dot com. just to take a little look around. i felt: sort of like a traitor. but also sort of glad that i use blogger. ahhhh. there was something deep and prying that i needed to get out. but it's long forgot. once i ate at a restaurat that was called something like "at my cousin's house we eat chicken" but much prettier and in french and i ate chicken and it must've been good because i can't remember it being bad. BUT that is terrible terrible logic that i shouldnt ever use again. . .

"tell her it's over now"

clg
#

( 10:41 PM )
bla bla bla i hate myself bla bla bla die blaa blab la bla

"baaaaa" - a sheep. i would like everyone to know that i am sleeping lower to the ground. there are more shadows and scary things. but less baggage. there is also more room for cordelia. i'm not myself lately. it's really too bad. all day long i have been hearing bad music. at the poetry reading maggieben (one of them) gave me a mini candy cane... i sucked it to a point and stabbed myself in the tongue when i felt sleepy. my poor cat. he is crazy. and maybe senile. but who isn't these days? certainly not me, that's who.

clg

p.s. i started to sing "family" then i realized that the lyric was "party" so it came out "farty." ha. #

( 12:53 PM )
i just don't know what to do with myself.

no school friday. HOOOOOORAH. mmm. jack white. only you know my pain. you and anyone else you has ever had shin splits. oh boo hoo. when i got home my mom was telling me about how my cat stopped eating. i thought it was because i left town. but then i found a chewed through bag of guinea pig food. hm.
last night i went to this spoken word thing. and it turned out to have a christian focus. at first it was fine, but then there were some comments about abstinence and this guy implying that matthew shepard could've been a sinner because of his sexual preferences that put me off a lot. instead of leaving the room right then, i was dumb and left when the house lights where on for question and answer. dumb cordelia. but then yours truly stayed to clean up and made it look like i had lied about needing to go study.
yesterday i was talking to zoe s. about theatre(ER) fest and she asked me if i knew the guy who taught the chicken prop pie class. and i did. it's nice when the world is small. i need to go outside today. someday. there will be a band. called the white strips that dress up like chicken strips and sing white stripes songs.

lateri. #

( 3:05 PM )
beautiful red squirrel, running
truck driver on a deadline
roadkill

good dance last night. interesting times. bad girls. terrible people formerly from edison. scary boys. screams. the timewarp. adolf ivanovna is a dick. when i passed him sometimes i would hum the song from germany... "suck my motherfucking dick." but obviously now i am just posting to say bad words and i need a nap. so off to bed i go.
tonight, channing murray ~8.

very cold flagpole
licking habit
stuck

cold sleepless nights. then,
your big bare thighs wrapped around mine
insomnia cured.

you say you know what you did, but you idiot kid. you dont have a clue. #

( 7:36 PM )
"i wanna be your master..."

today in german i briefly tried to explain to herr w what the guerilla girls are. but i stopped. it was too hard to explain to him.
"what does frau casparius^ want to do with hagedorn^?" *VERY loud yawn from max* *snickers from cordelia* *cordelia puts head on desk in fatigue, tired of the dumb book* *herr w starts giggling,* "oh man, cordelia" i tried to explain that i was laughing at max's yawn, but herr w was very stuck on the idea that i, me, cordelia, the "ubder-innocent" (if you will) was thinking about... sex. SEX. sEX? what use is that to me? especially in german class! but, realizing it was a lost cause, i went ahead and asked him what forking was. "FORKING!?!?!?!" he obviously thought i mean spooning... or some weird german sex thing only people who go there for long periods of time know about. "you know, like an um.... a ... GABEL!" "what?" alyssa explained forking. class was then permanently off track. (hoorah?). needless to say, we all left a bit older that day. except me. because i am just. nevermind.
while i'm on the subject of german class (ie things you dont care about) fred has become very obvious about trying to rest. so has emma. i like it. it makes me laugh. HAHAHA.

cordeli.

^very annoying people in are book. frau c flirts with hagedorn (male) because she thinks he's a millionaire. but he isnt. sucks for them #

( 4:41 PM )
until i realized that everyone would die one day and die alone...

so fingerprinting non-us citizens is to protect immigrant workers. sure. now, we know that he who must not be named is probably "dumb as a fucking post," but also we must step back to consider that perhaps he is a puppet. a puppet with very evil puppeteers.

give me a break. #

( 9:12 PM )
parties make me feel as bad

today was a day for staying in bed or roasting your toes on a fire. but no. i went to school. english was especially cold. oh well. oh well. oh well. ms. piaf doesn't regret anything. we wish we could say the same. tomorrow i get to eat my favorite food for din dins. that is um. exciting. i must confess that although i am excited about theatre fest, i am a bit apprehensive. several reasons, unnamed and one that i will discuss. the dance. alisa described it as a theatre(er) people dance. and apparently theatre people are all starved for attention so it is like everyone competing for attention. not so great. oh well.
i like pygmalion and i can't wait to watch "my fair lady."
garn.
today felt like a good day to post likes and dislikes but they are mostly the same, with only a few additions. so i will spare you.
mon cher patrick, je sais que tu ne me connais plus. je veux te voir. quand est-ce que on peut se voir? tu est neccessaire pour moi, neccessaire comme l'aire. comme le shampooing. comme l'appendix. en effect, je n'ai plus besoin de toi. ni jamais. dommage. #

( 6:55 PM )
don't you damn forget.

first day back. erlack. for some reason everyone was tired. (tired of sex?). a whole row was "resting" in german. gosh. drei manner im schnee is uh... not my type of book.
there were sequins falling from her eyes. you ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out... i wish i knew.
i am getting excited about theatre fest. sort of. but not excited about the dance. that is sort intimidating since i am no good at dancing. unless it is crazy bedroom dancing, which cant happen in a non-bedroom setting. oh well. sucks for me.
i am payed to make girls panic when i sing.
i got an email from nicole, full of recounts of new years. CRAZY! mmm. to quote rivers, "and i love everyone" #

( 6:05 PM )
i like:
tom(cat)s
alice
sleep
elliot smith
law&order

i dislike:
school
my headache
my eating patterns
my tummy feel #

( 4:53 PM )
good girls give goo out for halloween

on the way back from michigan i threw up because of chem. oh well i'm giving it another go. go go GO. i was so unhappy today so my dad took me to get hot chocolate. we saw tom, annie and maggie and played sorry. i was telling my dad about how sad i am and "it doesnt help that i'm listening to the suicide soundtrack" "you should listen to the carpenters, they'll make you want to vomit." ah ha. good times. a little later we went to Euro-Mart. oooooh. the friendly butt-chinned man from world harvest was there. hm. we got some fainting priest, i can't remember the turkish name. imam something. anyhow. i have a pretty bracelet.
prices delayed at least 15 minutes.

clg #

( 12:17 AM )
"but that doesnt give him the right to touch you in your swimsuit area"

i am frustrated. a frustrated rocker.

AHHHHHHHH.

i am prime target for vomitting disorder.

gr.

sara says: hi.

#

( 7:01 PM )
until you go crazt for me. there are jerks out there, be ware.

"your hand on his arm/the hay stack charm around your neck/strung out and thin/calling some friend trying to cash some check/he's acting dumb/that's what you've come to expect"

i was wrong. it's "needle in the hay." it still kicks my ass with its goodness. in my dream last night i was carrying lots of books. kisses were blown. i had to sing a french song. i woke up and decided that if i ever had to sing a french song, it'd be a rap.

"head down to toes a reaction to you/you say you know what he did/but you idiot kid/you don't have a clue/sometimes they just get caught in the eye/you're pulling him through"

i'm hearing faint creepy noises. or at least i was. but i don't have time to worry about what they are. not when i am so vulnerable and home alone.

"now on the bus/nearly touching this dirty retreat/falling out 6th and powell a dead sweat in my teeth/gonna walk walk walk/four more blocks plus the one in my brain/down downstairs to the man/he's gonna make it all OK/i can't beat myself"

i have to find a bracelet backing and some vellum.
don't you damn forget. #

( 2:50 PM )
watching him keep all the details covered

i am a sissy. i couldn't remember whether or not "tragedy" had an extra D so i wrote sadness. what a cop out. i think that that spencer was the ann spencer. AH AH AH! i dont have ssh on this computer. I GET NO MAIL. oh well. mmmm.
i was just at barnes and noble exchanging books that are new that i already have. $3 classsic---> twenty bucks. i did NOT buy the law and order DVD. even though law and order is tres important to me. except when they do stuff like financial crime... booorring. still i can not think about law and order too much or i will find out the formula. just like mary higgins clark books... you read the first one, you enjoy it, you read two more and you know that they all have the same plot.
so our cat sitter pours catnip onto a mat by our backdoor and so the cat is always there. except right now, he is in a shoe box. i keep telling my parents stuff like "alice is trippin'" and "our cat is stoned" they dont really seem to mind. but i think alice minds being doped up. "how is my little stoner today?" he is very noisy at night he moans. but what can not be said for all fifteen year olds?
all their conversations begin with goodbye
so much has happened. so much hasn't.
there is a beginning of a song in my head. and it is sad. and maybe about killing yourself. but i cant place it. oh. it is needle in a haystack. from when the wilson brother, the brunette, tries to kill himself. it is a very good part of the movie. sad perhaps. but vair good.
my eating habitats have become too weird. i was explaining them to my mom. "i eat a little, and then i throw up" "but that was just a one time thing, you dont normally drink a large hot chocolate and then go in the car" i guess i don't. i can't read my email so i don't. but it might be important. it's just email. there are better things. like snail mail? yes. and whipped cream.

byes. #

( 12:46 PM )
there was an answer to most everything... on my tongue

i would be a very good stalker. you guys have no idea. actually, you do. especially kari and sara. but i'm past those days.
anyways. i'm revisiting memories from september sixth. remembering old friends. where the hell did the pierced sugar eater go? i really don't know. that is the tragic thing about living in twin cities with a combined population of about 100,000. more about the sadnesses later.

clg

#

( 11:08 PM )
boys like you are dime a dozen

cigarettes. dope. yellow teeth. fat men. mary-kate and ashley. guava. durians. zola. vomit. jerks. toms. scary hair. beasties. jimmy stewart.

tom tykwer. law and order. jerry orbach. mushrooms. red lipstick. cigarettes. videos. guava. films. kermit. stories. red shoes. rain. boots. dramamine. scary hair.

cordelia. #

( 4:40 PM )
she's a maniac, maniac.

i was just thinking about my mom driving down here and for some reason those words just slipped into my brain. i went swimming in the hotel pool new year's eve and had an icky allergic reaction. my cheeks turned red. they're not red anymore, just peeling. yuck. so i am happy to be home except i seem to have had a sort of relapse into sickness so no friends for me today. i have a feeling that certain people are going to become creepily clingy to others. but no names. NO NAMES!
i am sort of in a paralyzed bubble of hunger. very dumb. my cat is relieved that we're home. so am i. our friends have annoying relatives one of them was trying to convince me that france was no longer a western country because of all the north africans. he was um... an asshole. i have to wash my sheets.

"come on boots, start walking."

clg #

Once I swallowed a magnet. My mom doesn't remember me threatening to swallow it. But I did. Now I'm crazy. Oh well, that's just the way it goes.

oh my, yes. My name is Cordelia...

Location: BEDvROOM (bed... VROOM)
Current Mood: spring induced folly
AIM: laviceanglaise
FAVORITE bird: peacock
Favorite Band at the present time: not brand new. thank you very fucking much.
Favorite song(s): lump.
my favorite picture of AWL time.
I am hungry for: the postal service
I've been sneezing a lot lately. Due, most likely to the fact that i am a cold fish... AIM me for more info.
I like this picture.
my favorite tv show: either law and order or most extreme elimination challenge.

Who could this girl be?

Mark's resurrected blog

Tom's Slutty and well written blog

O.b. (not a tampon)

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Ionic Breeze (since feb 8, 2003)