| Once I swallowed a magnet... | |||
|
Sunday, August 31, 2003 ( 11:01 PM ) My last post as a fourteen year old... oh no. Today I watched two movies. All the men in the talented mr. ripley are creepy and sort of evil. But the boys in sixteen candles are much more charming. They don't kill people or pretend to be people they're not. They just borrow girls' underpants. Oh and 16 candles has a young john cusack, which made Batia and me scream. yum. My aunt used to vacuum her cats, did you know that? (no.) Sometimes, hair can be really bad. Soon I will be too old for myself. Turning fifteen is a little sad. But not as sad as slitting my wrists to a song called "needle in a haystack" by someone who might be named Elliot Smith. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's a nice song. I hope Nikki had fun in paris. I wonder the drinking age in France. Silly me, being unknowledgable of such a fact. Last inner limits of my fourteeness... oh well. "Cordelia, come sleep in me and have very strange dreams" - my bed. goodnight, children. p.s. was this delightfully obscure enough? p.p.s. what about frank? i dont know. we have both fallen off the faces of each other's earths. how sad. so much potential. stupid girl wanting to be home on time. # Saturday, August 30, 2003 ( 8:15 PM ) The chicks will cream... So... I'm listening to Dan's "Ultra Lounge" CD. It's cover is very soft and leopardy. I must say that I am quite enjoying it... but that may be because I am imagining myself as a hip 50s woman with red lipstick and a martini with an olive in it. My grandmother gave me really pretty yarn... but now she's knitting with it instead of me... oh well, I'd probably mess it up. I went to the farmer's market and saw Tom, that was nice. I also saw some GRRLs... if you know what I mean. An AWARE dude, and lots of dogs. I am really looking forward to sunday. Today was a surprise party for Dan, we ambushed him with super soakers. Then my Dad was on CNN. Which is really weird and sort of hard to understand. It was boring, oh well, his intentions are good. I had a weird dream before I woke up. I can't remember what I wrote last night, I was tired, but the dance was a sad occasion. Poor Kari. After Dan's, Dan P. and Eli and I went around Chambana with waterguns squirting runners and each other and being Baaad. Like sheep are baaad, well, we were baaaad. Then some soccer, honk shoooo honk shoooo, then some home, tropical sprite, deep deep convo (DEEP, FROZEN INDIAN FOOD!) then some more gunning, soccer, sleepiness, driving and organ techno. Day... success? Yes! Oh yea, I also went shopping with my grandmother. Now she wants to make my pants shorter. sleep tight, chickens cordelia :/ # Friday, August 29, 2003 ( 11:37 PM ) Beat on the Brat... So. A week of school. 4:50am. Howdy hop. Boys who seem nice and shy who turn out to be terrible. How sad. But really, no surprises. Kari and Mo came. Kari had a pretty shirt. Maureen looked stunning with her Beauuuuuutiful handbag that i gave her. I talked to Casey in German so that Henry wouldn't understand. Yay! I warned some subbies about stuff. Tomorrow waking up is required. Soon fourteen will be a number of the past. I like the japanese exchange student, he's great, I wonder if he knows Nobu and what a certain girl thinks of him. Tonight is a collapse into bed night... lateri. # Saturday, August 23, 2003 ( 9:15 PM ) Boy Chests... mmmm How many ways that silly title can be taken. Batia has a pretty first day of school shirt. Everyone, listen up, today Max Schnuer bled through his sanitary napkin and his pants had a red stain on them. Then he acted really touchy. "Hey, falling off Cordelia's computer table and detaching myself from her keyboard would be slammin'" - my mouse. My parents hate my mouse because of it's circular form, one could say that it was straight as a circle. Now I am listening to the violent femmes... it is reminding me of staying up insanely late... at my German sister's house, and gushing my feelings out into my pretty diary... they were interesting feelings back then... sort of... well, not so regular and straight as they are now. Not straight as in heterosexual but straight as in stuff you are supposed to do and not being crazy and bla bla bla. Anyways, now I am going to go put on dinky pajamas, wonder about things and write little notes. But wait, before I do that I have to write some more stuff... um. Dear Cordelia, tomorrow you must clean Harriet's cage, put away your clean clothes, pick out a back to school outfit (you are very late at doing this, based on your buddies), and sleep a little. oooh, yea, the planned parenthood lady emailed me, I can get to work as soon as my references call her back. I hope that they hurry. you are welcome, I'm sure. cordelia. # Friday, August 22, 2003 ( 11:44 PM ) PEREZ Today assistant coach "John" asked Shruti if there were any muscular guys at Uni... (or something to that extent). This got me thinking. Then I told him how Ben Sims was muscly. But when I mentioned that he was very pale, it was an afterthought, John made a face like pale is a disease. I assured him, however, that Ben Sims was not green pale. Oh well, what is one supposed to expect from a muscly tanned brown guy? (Not much.) Um... IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO WASH YOUR DISHES WITH THE PAGES OF YOUR MATH TEXTBOOK. (shut my mouth and call me susan!) late! # Tuesday, August 19, 2003 ( 11:49 AM ) YUM # ( 11:49 AM ) Terrible Things Are Happening! Cordelia here, reporting live (sort of) from Loomis Laboratory. I am typing on a very strange keyboard, it is separated... obviously for prople who type "correctly" GAH. Last night my Dad and I watched most of a movie on Bravo with Hugh Grant and Gene Hackman and Sara Jessica Parker... it was pretty good, I can't remember the title, maybe it had an X in it? So why am I at Loomis? That is a gooood question. I am actually unsure of the answer, but I promise you this, it has something to do with wanting to see my Dad and get lunch. I am hoping thst we go eat soon because I am getting HUNGARY! School starts soon and that is sad but sort of joyous... for a little while anyway. I still have a big decision to make (one that could certainly change my life, of this I am sure.) and a blue sheet of paper to fill out. The other day I saw "Bend it Like Beckham..." it was enjoyable... except when some stuff happened... Last night I went to bed sort of early... I am hoping that I will be able to stay up late enough to watch the fab5. Yes, that's right, I too have been swept up in the frenzy that is "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy." My "prayers" (WHAT?!) have been answered, we are leaving for lunch. tatataaaaaaaa! # Saturday, August 16, 2003 ( 1:56 AM ) If anyone ever reads what I just wrote I will die. But that's ok. I love my new pants so much that I'm going to live in them, I will build a house out of pants. "come into my pants house please" "Oh cordelia, thanks for the invite, i'd love to." I fought with cameron. we had light sabers. he made up the game rules so he got all these powers, like choke and he was unfair and he said his name was Luke, but I was so much kinder than him, he should have been a darth. When it was Caitlin's turn, I asked her how the ladies were treating her and "what about princess that Leia." penguins. penguins. penguins. cordelia, i am going to be mean to you and you are going to feel bad but after a while, you'll bounce back, just like a tired chair that a morbidly obese person has sat on. Folks, dont be morbidly obese, it's bad. Other than that, Use big syringes with care and make sure your sex toys are real, not novelty. really, i couldnt repeat this entry to you in a 100 years (lie?) but I think i could summarize it. alalk # ( 12:53 AM ) crazy syringes! # Friday, August 15, 2003 ( 5:43 PM ) Pretty, much? I put my tongue in the hole in my mouth. I thought I tasted blood so I spat in my hand. I had to go wash my hand. Today my Mom and I bought pants (bands). They are very comfy and soft and lovely except for the minor flaw that the jeans have. It is the waste band. Everything fits, except the waist band. It is very strange, it would fit if I had a pot [belly]. Like some factory worker got confused and attached a plus sized waistband onto some average sized pants. Oh well, despite this problem I like the pants I got. I would be wearing them, except it is very hot in my house and I have opted for as little clothing as possible. Still, it's a lot. Other than the incredibley treacherous Kohls, with schizoid ordering procedures and even stranger organizing habits (thanks, mom) back to school shopping was "fine." I am going to go wash my hair. lateeeeeeeeerIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII # Thursday, August 14, 2003 ( 2:11 PM ) AHAHA, chain letters, ah ha. So, Ariana sent me this chain letter... one of the "Chinese Horoscope" ones. I'm pretty sure that I've taken it before. It said some very strange thngs... Like Alice (my cat) is the person that knows me best. Actually, he probably is, we hang out all the time, but wait... HE ISN'T A PERSON. It also said that Daniel is my "lucky star" weird, the last time *I* saw Daniel (this morning) he looked more like a person than a star. The song "Private Eye" tells me the most about my "mind." Uh... yeah. Needless to say, I didn't forward the email to six people. late. # Wednesday, August 13, 2003 ( 11:39 PM ) Tofu... yum. There is not much to write about. Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch ice cream is good. Hm.... I want some tofu. Today I went to the Bread Company for Champaign County's NOW chapter meeting. The food looked really good but I had already eaten, so I just drank water. Lots of water. There was bread that I could've eaten but then I imagined my Nana complaining about how my aunt had gained a lot of weight because she ate too much bread. Um. Yeah. I've sort of begun to care. We'll talk about the fact that I'm a clone some other time. How about that Christina Aguillera? She was such a good girl, but now her songs have such dirrty lyrics. Could anyone have imagined? And what about Britney? Is her career over? I just made mole faces at my Dad. I have a crazy idea. I'm not telling though. I just went out in the rain and did gymnastics, saw pretty lights, a purple sky and had a good time. I will now dry up and go to bed. cordelia # Tuesday, August 12, 2003 ( 10:51 PM ) "I HAVE A HUGE PARTY HAT STUCK UP MY ASS!" - it would be great if Will Ferrel said that. Today my Mom said Goodbye to me, she's going to Pittsburg. Why? I don't know. Ariana came over today. We watched back to the future, I was very annoyed with the characters even if they did have pretty dresses at the end. We made pesto pasta and ate it. I also had a raspberry popsicle, it was gooooood. I showed her the incredibley beauuuuutiful shoes that I want, we took the bus chez her. Then we stopped at Dan Pleck's house, he wasn't there. Then we decided what she was going to give me for my birthday. That was fun. We had a fun time. I met Sergeant Peanut Butter. I am excited and I have a project for my Grandmother and I. She will love it. Um... things are better in mostly every category. I think my face is back to normal. um. I am going to uh... go. LATEEEEERi # ( 12:01 AM ) The candidate wrote furiously, as if to save his life... Mmmm. I was thinking about Howard Dean and then I thought about the Pedro the Lion song. I just biked to 1071 and then to campus to eat lunch with my Dad. We walked past a lab and I saw a graduate student lying on a couch "is that our couch?" "sure is." Weird, isn't it, how things get around? Like syphillis, I've heard that it spreads like wildfire. Actually, I haven't. I'm just trying to scare you guys... really. *way later on* um. i no longer feel like writing... there is some news about my underwear, but I'll spare you. la. # Sunday, August 10, 2003 ( 9:43 PM ) fiveam. I would really like to have my archives called "anchoives" instead of "archives." Today I trekked all over Illinois. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I am very tired now. cordelia! # Saturday, August 09, 2003 ( 7:40 AM ) Forcast for this post: Slightly droopy with a 100% chance of moaning and boring stories that come straight from my experiences. Dive in! I am now going to recount my hospital ordeal... I put on a blue cap and gown. My parents talked about stuff but I was sick of hearing it so I made them be quiet. Then a staff lady (Nurse, Rn?) came out and led me into an operating room. I laid down on this thin little table. We talked about Uni and foreign languages, it was nice. When she told me that she was going to find a vein to put the ENORMOUS (it seemed very big when it was jabbed into my arm) IV needle in my arm I laughed, because sometimes I can't even find my own pulse, but she is supposed to have done this many times before. So I turned my head the other way and clenched my fist tightly (as instructed). After that ordeal, I looked at my arm and said something like, "whoa, cool" yea... I'd never had an IV before. Then she put these little circles that monitored my heart rate on my chest and side. I had to wear a little thing on my finger. It measured the oxygen in my blog<-- i meant to write blood. (through the fingernail!). In came cheery Dr. Sabol. I remember that he was looking sort of bear like, but then again, he had a beard and most bearded men (with the exclusion of David Stolarsky's Dad) look sort of bear like. He started injecting different things into my IV. "Are those my sedative drugs?" "Yep, I'm going to beam you right out to your parents and the car" "Whoa" "Feels weird, doesn't it?" When I woke up, I was reluctantly sitting in a chair, crying. There was another girl in a bed laughing. I got home, my parents put sheets on the futon, my Mom made me put lots of gauze in my mouth, I took drugs. Yesterday I watched five movies. The Coneheads, Dr. Dolittle 2, Groundhog Day, Driving Miss Daisy, and Being John Malkovich. I also had some home made milk shake, and for dinner some cheese and broccoli soup which I liked a lot. I am awake early and I haven't had any pain medicine yet, but I would like some. I am very swollen. But I want to go to the Farmer's market anyways because I want to make a pie. I am going to see if my parents are up yet. toodaloo. # Thursday, August 07, 2003 ( 11:20 PM ) Last words from a doomed party guest. So, it's hotter than fucking hell in Paris. The metro must be terrible. The Seventeen Magazine that used to be in my lap smelled deliciously of perfume, apple orchard deodorant and raspberry body wash. I am going to go eat raspberries and drink a BIG glass of ice water. goodnight my buddies. # ( 6:38 PM ) (insert double Us here you see fit, uu=double u) Today I as lying in bed around 11:32am. Then my cat came in and meouued urgently. I asked him hat he anted... he as silent. Then I got up and had some food. Then I shoered. I took the 1:33 bus to campus. But it as late and hen it got to the station, it broke. So e ere herded onto another bus. The combination of the bus being late AND broken ate up the seven minutes I had alloed myself beteen buses. So I got to Dan's insanely later than I ever possibley could have imagined... Yea. e atched "Donnie Darko" it as good. But I don't think I understood it... I am sort of remembering pictures and events and fragments of a story line... instead of a story. Yea, well. I played with Paws... I think Paws is my favorite cat... she is little and gray and sort of like a pillow. She also has claws. Then he tried to teach me how to play a video game, but I got startled when a bad guy jumped out and shot at me. Yeah. Dan gave me ramen noodles, I tried some, they were very spicy. WOw! My W key works now. YAYAYAYAYAYAY. Mark is coming over for din dins tonight, we are having mashed potatoes and corn... and other stuff. But the mashed potatoes are the most important part. lateri # ( 12:06 AM ) I AM EXPLOITING YOU FOR YOUR Ws!!!! That's right folks, cordelia's W key is broken. And really, it's not that surprising. I took a look in beteen my keyboard... there is some loose glitter, sequins, dust and glittery fabric paint on my CAPS LOCK key. But hey, at least I don't spill lemonade and ater on my keyboard... nope, that's Kari's job. I kno hat batia gets for her bday... no I am going to sleep. Tomorro I have to take off my nail polish... make me do it. cordelia # Tuesday, August 05, 2003 ( 10:38 PM ) Hm. Today I woke up and went to the doctor. It would have been too early for anyone but for me, a troll, it was extremely harsh. We trolls are accustomed to sleeping and waking only when a really stupid-- and sometimes heroic-- human walks across our bridge. Yes so, I was tired. Speaking of trolls, I think the little Martha Stewart inside of me has woken up. Or perhaps it's that Nigella lady... she is oh-so-much sexier than Martha. In fact, Martha Stewart is probably a prude. So anyways... I made that peach crumble and I have been seized by a desire to make something... either sewing or knitting. Anyways... it's strange. Today Maureen came over, we ate lunch at Za's and watched the movie "Slums of Beverly Hills" with Natasha Lyonne. It was pretty good. After that I showed her stuff at rathergood.com and we read old seventeen magazines and looked at our sixth grade year book. I took out my frustrations on my old math teacher, Shelly Schmidt (say that one five times fsast). I'm sure she meant well in her heart, you just couldn't tell from being in her class. Anyways... so Maureen and I called her names and yelled at her. No big deal, but therapeutic yet deliciously immature. I became very tired a bit ago. But then I worked out on my Mommy's exercise ball. It burned... a little. Looking at seventeen's summary of Rachel and Ross (of the popular show, Friends)'s relationship they seem really really immature and irresponsible... they get married, drunk, in may '99, divorce "despite lingering feelings" in october 99. And are cought smooching just one year later. This is silly. IT's like those movies with cliff hanger endings... their relationship is just a big looooong cliff hanger. Oh by the way, I wanna take you to a gay bar! cordelia p.s. my bad keyboard has decided that the double u key shouldnt work, all the w's were pasted in. GAH # Monday, August 04, 2003 ( 11:48 PM ) Today I wore my not so new flip flops. Then they began to hurt my feet. So I took them off and walked home without shoes. They made them red. And I envisioned getting a flip-flop-strap-shaped-blister and this vision scared me so much that I decided that the pain that would be avoided by walking barefoot was much larger than the pain of possibley stepping on an acorn or sharp stick or a little fragment of glass. Needless to say, I put my shoes on while crossing university. I got my hair cut today. By that guy... I can't remember his name. I tried to engage him in conversation. It is so weird that custom cuts has a fancy shmansy computer system but they still make you carry a card saying how many cuts you've gotten (to get a free haircut). It is silly. Yes Mr. Custom Cuts, I am insulting the Custom Cuts corporation's way of doing things. It is stupid... TAKE THAT. I made peach crisp (I almost wrote christ) today. It was tasty and gooey and would be very good with vanilla ice cream. I thought that it was my duty to make somethng with peaches and try to solve our peach problem. The peach problem: my mom buys peaches, they are good and ripe, we eat some, but don't finish them all... then she buys more. We had literally millions of peaches... for me. In the fridge. Good peaches... but lots. Anyways... my plan was foiled. But it wasn't such a great plan. hugs and wallabees (or kangaroos, your choice), cordelia # ( 12:03 AM ) I was just thinking about eating at my German Aunt's house. And eating too fast and not enough and the whiskery guy with Paris and London tatoos and the dogs and the oh boo hoo this is so sad. What if I never see them again? Anyways, he might turn out to be crazy, but I'm not going to worry about it, his seems like a nice boy. I am reading my German trip diary... I abbreviated Nicole's boyfriend's name to Christ. from Christian. Hehe. Oh well. Um. This blog seems to have been witness to a sort of mood swing. I suppose that that's bound to happen at midnight. clg # Sunday, August 03, 2003 ( 10:41 PM ) Frank. For some reason, I am much better at doing gymnastics in Ariana's front (sod) lawn than my own bedroom. Maybe I am just tired. Having plans to go to Mark's house for dinner, I cleaned my room and headed over to Kari's to pick up my wallet, her key and some corn, broccoli and parsely. Heading down Clark St, my Mom and I heard strange screeching noises, "Is that us?" "I don't know, Mom, but we're the only car on this street that's moving" When we got to the the corner of Clark and Prospect the screechings increased and smoke started coming out of the hood. My Mommy and I darted out of the car and rang two doorbells. No one answered so I ran home. On the way, I saw Kari and her Dad, pointed and said "Our Car" I got my Dad, called Mark. Bla bla bla. We pushed the car into a place where you could park, noticed the strange green fluid coming from it. Eventually, we headed home in the Volvo so my Dad could "wash up." My Mom and I ate parsely with Salt while waiting for him. I called it "Bitter Herb." Could someone please tell me why the hell I capitalized the word "Salt?" I went to Mark's had crackers and milk. Mixed milk. Then my parentals got me and we went to see Seabiscuit. They did a really good job on Tobey's hair. Afterwards, I came home, at chilli, had cheese sitting on the table, already shaved, just waiting to top my chilli, my father came along and nabbed it ALL. I felt that this was a great injustice. And it was. The summer reading club is over, that is dumb, summer isn't over. The library is getting stupider and stoopider. anyways. Seabiscuit was fine. it had pretty horses and other pretty things. cordelia # ( 12:33 AM ) "Man, fuck a Rem Koolhaas." A gala of amnastic proportions has just occured. Hoorah! I would like to congratulate Kari on her astounding 2.5 inches. Hehe. So... we had chilli, beans were sort of hard... tofu was yummy. Max came late, brought guava... I have a plan for monday... go into campus, get hair cut, sit at bus stop, go home. It should be rockin. As far as girlies, Kari will be out of town starting sometime (probably early) monday. I have lots of cornbread... so if you want to come over and have a gala aftershock (as in eat leftovers), be my guest. Today I had a lesson with Sean... it sort of sucked. But he agreed to be one of my references. Hoorah. Kari got blue berry pie on her white-ish sweatshirt... that was bad. "Better Off Dead" is a good movie. A lot of my liking for it comes from the fact that it has John Cusack (at least this seems to be the reason) who is definitley a nice eighties boy. Time for me to climb into bett. lat.er.i! # Saturday, August 02, 2003 ( 12:23 AM ) I found my original chapstick... yay. Original is the best kind of chapstick. Yay. So, right now it is Friday, but Saturday is approaching quickly. On thursday I tumbled out of bed at the ungodly hour of 6am (GAH!). Then, I headed over to Kari's where I found Nada and Maureen and the birthday girl waiting. Kari opened my present and liked it... or at least she wore it. It was a brown shirt with a bright blue cookie monster and the words "ME WANT COOKIES." Yum. Then, we traveled to Six Flags Great America. We went on fun roller coasters, V^2 (Vertical Velocity?), Batman, and Deja Vu. We also went on the fun ride in a little boat where you get pulled up and then drop... yea. It was wettening. Then we were wet. UH... We also went on the white water rafting ride... it was pretty boring but interesting because Kari got angry. For lunch I shared pasta with maureen... That was bad because she eats *really* fast and I had to eat faster than I was comfortable with in order to get enough food. We also had to eat the pasta with sporks. Grrr. Sporks are so cool... until you eat something where you actually need a fork. Maureen and I went on this ride... Fiddler's Fury (?) it was squashifying. Then we left. I was really tired in the car. We stopped at Subway and I had a roast chicken sandwich and baked lays. I love baked lays... they make me feel healthy. When we got to subway, I had a very large chicken craving. Then I noticed the little things by the sandwiches names that said "HOT" and I became upset... then Kari nicely explained that that meant "hot as in warm, and nice, the chili peppers mean spicy" then I became happy. During the rest of the trip, I slept an hour, on poor little Nada's shoulder. Then Sue drove me home, I rang the doorbell, failed to remove a sock, required help from father, poured myself into bed. Cut to Friday Morning. Cordelia wakes up at around 9:30, manages to waste time until 12. Decides to "bop on into campus" and have lunch with her father. Misses 12:33 bus, takes 1:03 bus. Oooh, I wore my new skirt. I think it qualifies as a miniskirt, but I am not quite sure. Anyways, my whole bus ride was occupied with thoughts of how I would stand up without showing more of myself than I needed to.... *sigh* As I was approaching Loomis I saw our good buddy David Stolarsky walking along. We chit chatted a bit, then I headed on up to my Father’s office and we went to Woo Jyung (?) on Green Street. I had Udon, oh well. After that disappointing lunch, I headed over to Uni to talk to KOVAX about my schedule. I saw Herr W. He was unshaven and scruffy! I forgot to tell him how drunk I was… oh well. WHAT? Mark came over for dinner. We had pizza. It was yummy. I had fun. I am trying to apply to planned parenthood as a volunteer, but the application is so frustrating. ARG. Um. I am addicted to chapstick and I like my bed… so I am going to go to bed, Goodnighty. # |
|
||
